I Need help (but not really)
More like constrictive criticism because I feel like my writing got worse.
I wanted to write a nice gl but i didn't like it and deleted it because i felt as if my wording was horrible. so Please if you can criticism this piece.
(No Bulling is accepted tho)
He Slept Soundly For a Bit. He Was Cold, And Slightly tense. His Breath Was Short Shallow Breathes; His Unconscious movements Lead Him to Lean his head against Seth's shoulder. He Felt Slightly Warmer And Cozied Up.
It Wasn't Long Before He abruptly shuddered, Forcing himself awake. Ryuu Shivers and Blinked, He Tried to Clam His Mind. However, He Blinked again, Realising Gradually That He Was resting on Seth Shoulder. He breaks out into a cold sweat as he is petrified. He Doesn't Panic But Instead Looks up At Madeline[1], Who Wasn't Looking out the window, and had a saddened expression.
She Must have hated him. It Seems like she Put the dots together whenever one else hadn't. He Felt Horrible even If It wasn't entirely his fault That Seth Choose him. His job[2] was only to please him, out of all the men and women he had slept with he was only satisfied With him. But She was unmistakably still in love with Seth, madly in fact.[3] Rain Didn't think of It any further and sat up straight. He shuffled away from Seth a bit but not A big amount so Seth wouldn't come closer. Rae stared at them suspiciously.
Later On, about 20 minutes later. (70 more minutes to go Yeah!) Seth Seth Wrapped his hand around Ryuu's waist and pulled him closer to him. Ryuu's eyes narrow to look at the man sitting next to him. But He doesn't do anything about it because that would certainly bring attention to the fact Seth was holding him in the first place.
[1]Seth's Girlfriend, The one who lives with Seth but because there house burned down lives with Ryuu and that also means Seth LIVES WITH HIM.
[2]"His Job"- Prostitution, This (In Solaria at least) Is Considered a crime. Seth doesn't pay Ryuu directly He Pays the people Who are in charge of him. (Who Brought him into this whole ring of prostitution since he was like 8?)
[3]"madly infact."-One part right before this Ryuu sees Her talking to herself of course he doesn't hear what she says but you can assume by the way she looks as happy as someone who had just fallen in love, ot maybe the fact Rae told him that's what she was talking to herself about. she is indeed still in love with him.
