T/W rant

It hurts so bad. My mom's lecturing me screaming at me about how less I do. But I'm trying my best. I'm sorry that I'm not enough, I'm sorry that I'm not like you. I'm sorry that I'm not enough, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry. I don't want to stay here anymore. I want to break something, I want to hurt I just want to leave. I have to be respectful and polite and studious and smart and good but I'm done. I feel broken. I want to scream.
My throat feels tight.
My eyed burn my heart hurts.
I want to leave but I can't, I'm scared I'm still thinking about her.

She doesn't know the stress, she's a drop out. She never did the exams.
I'm trying to deal, why can't we talk? Why do you always scream? How do you expect me to open up? Of course I'm gonna stay silent, why would I answer if all you're gonna do is scream?

Why do you rub my head one day and curse me the next?

Why can't you fucking understand?

How do you hurt so easily when it hurts me to hurt you?

Are you the reason I hurt myself? The reason I'd do it again?

I don't want you to hate me but your love is painful. I don't want to hate you but loving you hurts.

Why was I labelled smart? If not would you have had less expectations?