I won't say "Is this normal?" like others cause I know it's not

I don't wanna say this here but I already did cause it keeps on bothering me. I feel so bad and stupid with my mindset. Like I know this is bad. I wanna try bdsm. I'm still a baby so I know I won't, for now. But I really wanna experience bdsm. Not for me. I'm bisexual. And I want to tie both girls and boys. I Definitely want boys voice more than girls. I want to make them cry. It's so dumb. The thing is I don't wanna lose virginity. I'll die virgin. Nevermind. Scroll down and keep reading Manga. Don't mind me