THOUGHTS?

Now hear me out. When masturbating you're essentially both giving AND receiving a handjob at the same time from a guy. That’s pretty fucking gay if you ask me. Now say you see a cute guy, his ass is so fucking nice and slappable, his juicy feminine lips look like they were made to be wrapped around your cock, and his hands are soft and slender, maybe even more so than your own (thereby making it even less gay). You make your move and he agrees to give you a handy. In this case, you’re simply receiving a handjob, you aren’t giving one as well. That’s half the gay, guys. Stop masturbating, it’s gay as fuck. Get yourself a man that’ll give you a hand.

P.S. if you do decide to give him one back in return because his beautiful, glistening, throbbing cock is just sitting there asking to be stroked, just make sure he’s somewhat more feminine than yourself because technically, giving and receiving a handjob from someone more feminine is less gay than someone who is more masculine (yourself).

EDIT: would giving AND receiving a handjob from a male be equivalently/less gay than just receiving OR giving a blowjob?? Please let me know because I’m no gayer than the average straight man who indulges in masturbation but I really, really want to suck my friend’s cock.