Men being compared to women in BL

Is it just me or is every time a man is compared to a woman in BL just super insulting on all accounts? Like, I get it, almost all BL is written by women for women, so you'd want to compare your characters to your audience so your readers can live vicariously through the story or whatever, but I've always found it to be really irritating rather than relatable? Because it's always one of two things. Either Character A says "you can do _____ to me because I'm not a woman," in which case, fuck off, some girls like those things too, not every woman is a delicate flower that needs to be treated like glass. Or, Character A says something along the lines of "make me a woman" or "do _____ to me like I'm a woman" which...No??? A gay man isn't a woman just because he's also sexually attracted to men. A big part of the whole genre is that the main characters are very specifically NOT women, and to treat them like they're just stand-ins for female characters has always felt super disrespectful to me. Has this ever bothered anybody else? Or am I taking an inherently somewhat problematic genre too seriously and ruining what should be an otherwise fun time by thinking too hard about meaningless things?