Slim Jim 3000

So my bestie told me that he wanted to be a trans male and I was shocked but fine with it. My bestie told me he wanted to cut his hair but his mom wouldn't let him, so I felt bad and broke into his house while he was sleeping. The next morning he told me he liked the haircut then started sobbing, I was shocked and felt bad and asked what was wrong? He asked me why I decided to give him a rock lee 3000 hair cut? I felt bad and dragged him to a barber shop!!! A really nice lady came out and did his hair...But the thing was...HIS MOM WAS THE BOSS LADY OF THE HAIR SHOP!?!?! We got scared and ran away. After that we went and bought 7/11 sour gummy worms!

Bonus: What do I call my besties coochie cooter? Slim Jim 3000? Or Ovulator 100?