pity parties

hi i’m shart and i’m here to tell you some things because i was supposed to write in my journal but i’m too lazy to go grab it (next two paragraphs are kinda like filler, feel free to skip)

depression doesn’t really go away. i was a mess for 6 years and now i’m less of a mess, i found a lifestyle that makes me happy. honestly i’m pretty satisfied despite the fact that i still want to unsubscribe from life every once in a while (whether it be from buried emotions or the smallest inconvenience)

let me say this, though: drowning urself in media, such as hyper sexual manhwa and shows— is most certainly NOT going to help you. escapism is never really good, especially when u have such a state of mind. i haven’t clicked something inappropriate in a while, and to be frank i’m proud of myself for it. it only ends with feelings of self disgust and loathing (am i projecting? yes. but ur my journal right now so that doesn’t matter). at some point u realize, ‘hey maybe i should stop’. the urge will come back anyway, it’s up to u if u want to continue enabling it

now let’s talk about pity parties. when you’re depressed for so long, you find comfort in sadness. why is this bad, you ask? (act like you did)
because then u won’t feel the need to actually CHANGE anything and you’ll be a miserable lump forever

why bother making an effort to achieve happiness when u can just go ‘boohoo’ and then go read some smut or angst to validate urself?

if you’re interested, my journal, then here’s a method i have tried
whenever u start to pity yourself, specifically about something that clouds ur mind and it’s the only thing u can think about — say it out loud.
because lemme tell you, there’s only so many times u can say “_____ sucks” or “i’m sad because of ______” before you get sick of urself

which is great! if u don’t get sick of hearing urself complain all the time then idk, dawg
why’re you letting PAST experiences dictate your present and future? do you WANT to live like this forever? i hope not!

ur going to become like that friend that complains about that toxic boyfriend but refuses to break up with them. and what do we always say about that? WAKE UP AND BREAK UP

anyway, thanks for listening, my journal.
twas greatly appreciated and i hope we can both stop shackling ourselves with the disease called pity parties ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶