Am I Delusional?

today i had a birthday party and i invited my friends and my crush (were both guys). we hung out and went to the mall, and me and my crush even got matching sanrio plushes from build a bear. we spent a lot of time together and when we were driving back home i fell asleep on his shoulder and he let me- he even fell asleep for a minute too. when everyone left my friend who knows i like him asked me if she should ask him if he likes me. i said yes and she did. worst decision of my life.

he said he was straight (multiple times) and he didnt like me but i was a good friend. im heartbroken and jusy finished crying when she showed me his replies. my friend kept telling me hes probably just trying to hide it and he does like me but i think hes jusy being nice (im more sensitive emotionally than 'typical' guys) i think its my fault for falling for any guy whos nice to me since this happened before and i got screwed over.


im worried this ruined our friendship and theres times where i catch myself wishing i were a girl so he could like me, since thats the only thing thats in the way of us. am i just delusional for thinking he ever liked me or is it something else that i dont know about?

sorry i yapped a lot