I’m sorry but I’ve come to the conclusion that I really can’t just be with a man. Like idk I’m bi or whatever but at this point I’m not even sure if I actually even really like men or if i just keep telling myself that because of internalized homophobia or something. Like I hate everything about fucking a man and literally every time it happens I just disassociate and hope it ends as soon as possible. I also hate when men have feelings for me. Like recently one of my close guy friends told me he had feelings for me and I just felt so… disgusted? Like he’s a good guy and all and he’s attractive too so it’s not that he’s not my type or anything. He was really understanding about it when I turned him down to but it still made me really uncomfortable. Like idk I guess I felt betrayed? Idk if that makes any sense at all. But the thing is I don’t get like this with girls at all. When a girl asks me out even if I’m not interested I’m still really flattered. So why do I get like that with guys?????
Idk it’s probably some childhood trauma thing that I’ll uncover later in life.
