my confession didn’t cause me to lose my friend

i had this big crush on this guy for 7 months and he was one of my close friends. we ft and talked all the at school but he had a girlfriend. i always felt guilty for ft and talking to him, but once he broke up with his gf i felt kinda glad. i only told 5 people that i liked them, but one of the girls told me they liked me after i told them i liked him. i didn’t mind at first but soon they started getting closer, and then the girl that also liked him ( her friend ) started to say shit how like i stoke him or some shit and i got pissed. so i decided to confess cause i was tire of that shit, and he said it was okay it wasn’t gonna ruin their friend. it didn’t ruin our friend at all, him dating my friend was. whenever we would ft he would be texting the friend and i felt guilty, so i stopped talking to him and he eventually noticed. he kept asking why and he apologized. i forgave him for all the past shit he had done, but now i can’t still barely talk to him because im afraid to catch feelings again. he was the first guy i ever fell for, and now i can’t barely talk to him. it really hurts since i lost him as a friend, but it hurts even more when he knew i liked him and he dated my friend.