Made an account just to ask this

I think it's painfully obvious for me that my ex-friends don't want me to be happy or be victimised as they're throwing shade about being happy they're not friends with me anymore. I used to vent with people around me on how our drama still affects me badly and how they as a group affected me so badly mentally. They act like im the only one who did something wrong in the drama even though they also did something wrong and were VERY toxic afterwards yet I'm the only one who chose to apologise despite all that even though I absolutely hated what they did to me.

It literally had made me want to kill myself and I tried to do it because of them but I can't admit that because people tell I'm the toxic one cause of that. They were so fucking mean and they don't even realise that because our drama was about my personal life? You don't get to choose shit in my personal life and make me feel bad that I don't do what you're told then tell everyone I'm fighting all of you for no reason and that "I'm being aggresive to people" that felt so fucking shitty. They've literally sent STRANGERS to mock me and insult the hell out of me when I wasn't in a mentally stable state. But noo im the bad guy for being angry at all of them for their behaviour and the bad guy for almost killing myself over this and they got blamed for it. I didn't want them to get blamed but the behaviour I saw from them has absolutely sparked an outrage inside me. They don't even enough to SEE that and HAVEN'T seen that. I know I did some bad things in the drama but who wouldn't be so damn upset if they were in my position. Am I petty for thinking that just cause they make themselves be around me, they steal the attention around me they're doing this on purpose? They don't even have a reason to be at the same place as where I am because they're a group of FRIENDS. I am fucking alone trying to find my community.