I'm at my lowest rn
Something is actually wrong with me. We had two exams today. The first is the preliminary exam and the second, a quiz. I woke up at 3:30 A.M. to review. That part wasn't that big of a deal because I just read it through. Actually, no, it is a big deal. Despite having the highest score in class, I wasn't happy. I only kept thinking about the wrong answers I had and how I was stupid to overlook my mistakes. It was a simple question. It was very simple to understand if only I read closely.
This is what's wrong with me. I keep on going about my mistakes instead of celebrating that I finished the exam. I keep on comparing myself to my classmates, specifically this one classmate who I'm supposed to be friends with. I keep on one sidedly competing with her. I am so toxic. I am filled to the depth of my insecurity and flaws.
Then the quiz happened, I was constantly wrong on answers, I know. I knew it, but I still erased it. I am always doubting myself. I am so conscious of my performance in school that it's the one that's bringing me down.
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This is my first time ranting on social media about something personal. Please give me advice .
Messages
Judging by the few sentances, you are burning out, you are straining yourself, pushing yourself without energy in your system to do so.
The waking up to revise at 3am, getting an exam and getting a few questions wrong isnt the end of the w9rld, its the only thing p4oving you are human.
Change the manner of how you look at your mistakes, they arent going to do anything in a sense of harm. Instead of a 'i could do this if' yes you easily couldve if, but you didnt. Look at it as a 'if this type of question comes up ill know that i should do this..' thus not only takes pressure off you and therefore make you do better, it also allows you to change how you view everything.
And if (only if) you like studying, take it as a part to study. 'If i kbew i coyld do this in my sleep where did i go wrong, how did i' retrace and redo.
Make your mistakes a learning oppotunity not something that nails you in a coffin.
Also please dont stress, if you have parents wholl punish you for it, please push that aside in your brain and have some down time you deserve it.
Please remember your brain isnt always gonna remember simple things, youve got to constantly learn it
I had a hunch that I was burning out but I was really in denial and the facts I don't know how to start to overcome it just makes me wallow on the same routines.
Right, I actually get so caught up on my mistakes I forget it's normal, I'm no genius or anything, but being smart is one thing I am. And being bad at it.. it feels like I'm nothing. But thank you. It is, not the end of the world.
Your advice is actually helpful
When you find yourself focusing on the things you did wrong or comparing yourself to your classmates, try redirecting your attention to something else. If you can, I'd also taking recommend talking to a counselor about this and possibly getting therapy to get to the root of why you have these thoughts. Above all else, be gentle with yourself. We are our own worst critics. You're doing great, even if your brain is trying to tell you otherwise.
The thing is, I'm redirecting my attention instead on social media and my phone. I do constantly try to get out, touch grass, or walk along the neighborhood. But most of the times I just read manhwas or fictions. And I don't have friends (fuck)┗( T﹏T )┛.
Maybe in the future, I'll get theraphy but likely not for now. And thank you, I've been really hard on myself lately, but what you said meant a lot. I really needed to hear that.