I feel so dirty
Rode a train home after classes, same as usual, I even had plans to visit my friends tomorrow for an upcoming project. And then some creepy old man started touching me from the back, he started from my thighs, towards my inner shirt, and my belly. I felt so creeped out by it, minutes felt like forever and I felt tears tickling in my eyes. I looked up and saw his reflection in the glass STARING at me as I begged for him to stop, I didn't want to attract attention, I just wanted it to stop. Finally the train stopped and I bolted out of there, I went to the public restroom, and I cried and cried for I don't know how long, bile rose up in my throat and I felt like puking, I stayed there until I finally calmed down. I resolved to reporting to the police, it was a difficult decision but I wanted for SOMETHING to happened. As I walked towards the nearest Police Station, I passed by a family restaurant and saw HIM THERE, MY ASSAULTER LAUGHING AND SMILING TO WHAT LOOKS LIKE HIS FAMILY HE HAD CHILDREN FUCKING CHILDREN A SON AND A DAUGHTER AND A FUCKING WIFE. The moment I saw them my blood went cold, I couldn't think properly and just ran for my life, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I wanted to die then and right there, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole, I hated myself and I felt absolutely disgusting. I got home and went inside my room, crying and screaming, I wanted to kill myself, I questioned everything, why is this happening to me? Why me? And why does he get to be happy? I wished his family knew the type of person he truly is, I wished they knew that their husband/ father is an assaulter who wreaked an innocent life. He doesn't deserve that loving family, because he is a VILE man, a EVIL man, an ASSAULTER who hurt me and maybe even more people. I am in pain, and I can't even tell anyone about this because it is humiliating, and no one will ever believe me that a man who has a loving family has assaulted me, absolutely NO ONE will...
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It has been at least a few hours since I posted this and I have some few updates that I want to share. I posted this out of spite, cu'z I felt like I had no one to lash out on, this was posted after I arrived home and moments after, my mom also came back. She saw me crying in the corner of my bedroom and immediately asked me what's wrong, at first I didn't wanna tell her cu'z I don't know how she'll react. But I summoned the courage and did so, she was shocked to the core and I kept sobbing as I told her the story, I assumed she wouldn't believe me, but then she hugged me and whispered words like "It's ok, mama's here, you're alright." as I cried in her arms, I felt like it was the only thing I can do, to cry. Soon after, she called my father (he was at work) and told him to come home because there's an emergency. At least 30 minutes passed by and eventually he arrived home, he asked my mom what happened and why she was so rattled. My mom urged me to tell him, and I did, I told him the entire story even the restaurant part, and never once did his eyes wander away from me, I saw as his expression turned from shock to rage. After finishing my story, he suddenly stood up and speed walked towards the kitchen, me and my mother were alarmed and ran after him, we saw as he took a large knife from the kitchen and headed towards the door, my mother asked him what he was about to do and my father only said, qoute and unqoute, "I will find that bastard and kill him myself!" he yelled so loud, our neighbors probably heard him too. My mom immediately tried to stop him and told him to think rationally. And it was at that moment, after all that had happened, I finally realized I did have some people who believed in me. My parents were strict parents but it was at that moment that they showed their unwavering love for me. My father argued with my mom saying, "My daughters (there's two of us), MY children, will not be disrespected for as long as I am alive!" "I will not just standby as one of them is assaulted by a MAN and I don't do anything about it!" My mom was begging him at this point, and soon his wrath was sudued and he finally calmed down. We had a long talk after that, they told me that I can decide for the next action, and that they will wholeheartedly support me through my decisions. And after pondering for a long time, I decided to return from my previous decision to report him, I didn't want any more people to fall victim to his actions. My parents told me they would do anything to make that happen, even thought we weren't financially stable, they are still willing to try. Even though so much had happened, the love my parents have for me is unchangeable, and I am truly grateful and blessed to have them as my parents. We will soon go to the Police Station to report the incident, but until then this is all that I can share. I will try my best to be strong under these circumstances.
even if you feel like no one will beleive you, there will be at least one person who will, tell the person you trust the most. if thats family or friends or both, please try to tell them. its obviously easier said then done, so take it on your own time, but trust me if you try to tell someone who you know will support you and cares for you it will help you out so much.
and try to report what happened when you feel ready. go with the people you trust if you can. reporting what he did is important, so other people dont go through the same thing you did and you can get some peace of mind. try not to feel guilty about it, it doesnt matter if he has family, everyone has someone that cares for them, that doesnt mean people with families can do no wrong or shouldnt be punished. and dont feel guilty if you cant bring yourself up to report what happened, a lot of people take a while to process what happened, or feel a lot of fear, your not alone in feeling that way so please dont beat yourself up if you dont think you can report what happened.
i hope youll be ok and you can heal from what happened. geniunely i hopethat dudegets whats coming to him one day, hes a disgusting asshole. please surrond yourself with your loved ones and take some time for yourself.
I'll be really honest, as much as I would want you to report it still, I want you to consider what you want to prioritise and how far you're willing to go for it.
I couldn't complete so here's the rest
The most logical thing is obviously to report him, however it will probably be a long running battle considering such cases are really hard to prove since evidence is very hard to obtain.
One thing you can do is talk to your parents at least. Not to report the case but just to get it out of your system. Convince them that what happened to you was true and you didn't make it up. Then from there decide if you all as a family want to report it or not. Don't face the entire brunt alone, get someone in your side at least. That way when you report it and it doesn't go the way you want, you will at least have someone to fall back upon.
And if your parents don't believe you then talk to a close friend/s.
Also check if the train you were in had cctv cameras somewhere around. Cctv footage can provide to be your biggest support in such cases, since a witness will be hard to find considering you already got off the train
I'll be really honest, as much as I would want you to report it still, I want you to consider what you want to prioritise and how far you're willing to go for it.