I feel guilty hating my ex

he's a well liked person and he's kind and everything deep down i knew but he's so depressed it ruined me and put everything on my shoulders. He was suicidal.

He made my friends hate me and acted the victim during our fight cus i slapped him when i slapped him cause he told me the most hurtful shit ever "my ex's dick is better than yours" and i only wanted to yell at him but i was so upset because he knows how much i disliked him bringing up his ex every single fucking time hes with me.

He snooped on my private dms and argued with someone on it. I was never trusted by that person again. i had nobody to talk to for awhile. he did so many shit to me but i had to forgive and forgive and forgive because hes depressed. hes suicidal.

his friends still like him so im just overreacting. i cant open this up to fucking anyome who knows him because hes "this angel" but hes treated me so badly emotionally it made me want to kms multiple times. i had to understand and understand him, listen to his vents, rants and everything but i was never allowed to say i dont like how trash he treats me the fucking replacement for his trashy ex.