asexual sorry 4 the long post
Ive got a bf of 3 years now who is like chronically horny (well, i say chronically but he’s still held himself back for 3 years so kudos to him). Of course I do stuff to him, pretty much whatever doesn’t include penetration (partially because actually it doesn’t fit, i don’t have that condition but my cervix will NOT break, shes made of steel) and partially bc the idea of something in there grosses me out (well, besides tampons and whatnot. anyways, i feel really bad for my bf but he never complains… i need to have a conversation sometime because i think about it a lot but I’m shy to bring it up. Just feels like… he’s never had penetrative sex in his life (this relationship is the first time either of us have had sex aside from my one experience fingering a girl)… wouldn’t he want to experience that? And i can’t give it to him. ughh i hate being asexual. It’s not that i think i’m worthless at all but i genuinely am annoyed that i’m sort of a defective human cuz. Like why do i have to hate sex? Seriously? Biologically i should enjoy it. So fricken annoying. Alas. Im glad i don’t have to get birth control or anything. Ive considered anal (seems to gross me out less and it’d probably fit) i’ve just been lazy about it cuz whenever ive done like 2 sec of fingering it just feels like im shitting LMAOOAO. but i think my bf said he’d be fine with it. Cuz like, don’t need birth control (well like obv would use a condom for cleanups sake), he still gets the penetrative aspect, im less grossed out… theoretically it should work out. Though im still unsure how to make it feel like. Not like i’m takin a massive shit LOL. But it also pisses me off that straight guys always have such an insane fear of getting penetrated but then they have no problem penetrating someone else. Like yea reproduction has the female getting penetrated but why tf is it just expected. whatever. I love my bf he is perfect. i just want him to be happy (but im also not gonna do anything i absolutely hate)
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hey lol I have the same condition as you, i remeber that feeling so well when I was in my old relationship and my ex was a known guy for sleeping with people but not dating until we dated and how insane it was that I was the one person he couldn’t sleep with… people still look at me in shock when I say I’m a virgin because of him…..not that I regret it after breaking up with that scumbag but something about you saying ‘defective’ feels so close to home . Like I literally hate seeing straight porn stars because wdym sex is considered the pinnacle of enjoyment and my body just rejects it? Like I have 0 sex drive too and with coming to turn with accepting it won’t work for me I don’t even see the appeal but I still feel scared of the idea that ah when I find someone else I’ll have to share and tell them this fact about me and it feels like I’m being so VUNERABLE . but yeah it’s not every day I see someone else with this condition around my age so pls dm if you want to talk !
Have you considered non monogamy? It would let ur bf do it w/out cheating as long as it’s nothing romantic, I def suggest you look into it only if it’s smth u both r comfortable w/ and r willing to try
I have considered it esp since i’m also into girls so i would be comfortable being there, but tbh i don’t think my bf would want to do that LMAO and it’d just be for his benefit so i’m gonna cross that bridge when we get there
I mean u should do wtv ur comfortable for, don't feel sorry because this is YOUR feelings and BOUNDARIES. It's okay to have one, I mean your bf is okay. Not everyone needs to experience penetrative sex or smth just to take their relationship to a "deeper" level. Sometimes just cuddling and stuff, is the best thing. Sex doesn't always feel good anyways and it's a temporary pleasure compared to actual love and respect that lasts forever. I hope you guys stay strong! This seems a rather very healthy relationship but again like you say yourself, don't force yourself to do something you don't want just to please someone. It's okay to be abit selfish and choose yourself. Don't feel bad for it.
Thank you :)) yea ik he would never make me do anything but it just seems like something he’d miss out on especially with how prevalent sex is in the media and pretty much everything these days -_-