Copying ur S/O’s hobbies??
TT boyfriend can stalk my reddit account (idk his) so I can only post this here.
So I noticed it’s a common theme in my life that I tend to be involved in my significant other’s hobbies. He likes gaming so naturally I went into gaming. Valorant, block games, mobile legend. As it happens, I’m not very good at all of them. He’s very serious with his games. And it has become an emotional stress in my life that I always strive to be better at it, and when I’m not good at it, I tend to be sad, pissed off, and ashamed. I always ask him to teach me how to be better but he never explains it thoroughly, and he’s really good. He always just says “you’ll get better when you play more”. But the problem is he always tells me off when I do badly, and I feel jealous our friends who he praises. And when he praises me, I get so happy and have become unconsciously aware and dependent of his reactions.
The problem is he always says “Hey, u should always do this and this bla bla”, which contradicts with what he taught me previously. And then proceeds to explain it better. And that really confuses and upsets me, “What? But you always said this… Why didn’t you just tell me that/teach me that thoroughly from the start?” And he would feign ignorance and say “But I did ”
Honestly, I’ve become so exhausted. I have board exams coming up and I really should review more. I don’t have time for this, and I shouldn’t rely on him a lot. To be honest, I’ve been thinking of ending things with him. I guess I fell in love, but I only wanted to fun in the start. Somewhere in the middle, I got stuck with him. And now, i think I’m very dependent on him and that I can’t survive without him. When I’m having a hard time and deal with a lot of anxieties, he was the only who can calm me down. When I was at my lowest (suicidal) point, he was the one who was there for me. Maybe I’m making the wrong decision by blocking him everywhere and leaving. But at the same time, I’ve become to hate the person I’ve become. I hate that I can’t sit with my anxieties and self-loathing by myself. I hate that I’ve become reliant on him, powerless, always trying to be the girl he’ll have fun with. The girl who shares his hobbies. I’m exhausted. Has thus ever happened to anyone?
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Yeah, I think you need time off girl. It might be a good call to break up with him cause it seems like your self-worth is on an all time low, like you said you've become dependent on him. It's good that you've become self-aware, you can save yourself before you end up becoming even more susceptible and vulnerable mentally and emotionally. Everyone has a breaking point and this seems to be yours, it does seem like he isn't that caring about how you feel (based on what you've narrated so far). It might be good to break up so you can focus on yourself and so you could pull your shit back together. Self love definitely can't fill the hole of romantic love, but you just need time for yourself. But you could also express your feelings toward your S/O, you can determine your next stepsdepending on how he reacts to your concerns. Also, he can stalk your reddit account but you don't know his?? That's a little suspicious, but OK.
Everything depends on you tho. I'm just an outsider and I don't have the whole picture, you might want to talk to a more trusted individual (friend/fam) for tips and advice.
maybe try taking a break from the relationship if you dont wanna break up and see how that impacts your overall situation and mental health also the best advice i can give you is that you should communicate with him like have a conversation and see how he reacts, the other person wont really know what you've been going through if you dont tell them