TW!!!!!

I don't like telling people about my past, but when i have to they always sympathetic about it, but also confused me with a ridiculous statement. There's a time someone told me, "but you look so well, you don't look like someone who had gone throughout all of that" man idk I just think that slicing my wrist isn't worth it, why do I have to torture myself over someone else wrongdoings? I may don't value my life but it's not like I wanna die, that makes me a loser in my own story. Then another person said, "maybe your problem isn't that bad that's why you still holding up" I mean like what type of terrible past I didn't have? SA, r*pe, abuse, domestic violence, bullying what's again? I've gone through them all. Maybe I'm a bit broken, but I don't want to die, why do I have to?