Sobriety and 1 year clean

Don’t really have anyone to share this with but I’m 1 year clean today from hard drugs
I need to make a podcast diary or something lol
I think trying to clean is such a difficult and frustrating process to go through regardless of what you’re trying to get off of but it’s so rewarding too at the same time, looking back omg I did that ? Yes you did luv be proud of urself :>

I’m not true sober yet I’m “California sober” which is where you just drink and smoke weed but I honestly don’t like that term plus I don’t like smoking weed makes more sense to just say you’re clean from hard drugs
Im trying to lay off the alcohol next learn to drink like twice a year or stop drinking entirely because I just drink too much
I do brew hard cider and apple wine I love giving them out as gifts for holidays tho lol I will still do that

I was a blow addict my friends at the time introduced it to me I’m lucky I didn’t od, first time I tried it burned but like it felt good?, i felt euphoric, loved the energy boost, i felt extroverted like i can talk to people and i literally fell hardcore in love iI was a daily occurrence from that point on for like 2 years I wanna say
I’ve wasted thousands of dollars when I could’ve been saving I’m broke as hell, I did things I regret because I was so out of it and would do anything to get a fix it’s so fucking stupid on top of it I looked ill and out of it I don’t remember what I was doing half the time, i I lost a lot of weight, I became so paranoid, I started getting frequent nose bleeds literally everyone knew you just had to take one look at me or my eyes, it always shot my anxiety and blood pressure threw the roof so I would take Xanax after and literally made me feel worse
i am also pre diabetic so the blood pressure spiking was also worrying
Literally only upside my work didn’t do drug tests

After an friend of mine overdosed ( he lived but I don’t talk to him anymore ) and with these symptoms were making my life worse i wanted to stop I should’ve involuntarily ended up in a ward for a lot of the stuff that was going on at the time including this but that’s a story for another day oof

detoxing was awful withdrawals are painful I slipped up a few times tbh there was a phase where I hated sober me because I thought I was so insufferable and annoying and a buzzkill while drug me is laid back and outgoing, social events make me nervous lol
But now I’m here still living trying to make my shitty life work so ironic I wanted to go pharmacy school in the midst of all of this LMAO not friends with those friends anymore there’s always a reason to look towards tomorrow i have goals and projects im working towards and better friends i can hangout with
Coke partially ruined my life but im glad im off it now and I feel better