Vent/ranting

I know its not my right to say anything, so I'll just ramble on and hope you hear this. it seems you want to stay with this guy for the rest of your life I suppose, I think, for one is that, I'm glad he's alive and he should be grateful too that he's still standing here today but I don't think him being more grateful than having a gf is wrong in thinking that way. Matter of fact its truly alright in thinking that way actually, its just the circumstances that he had to deal with and I'm sure you thought so as well, its honestly alright to doubt another person feelings for another. I mean who's to say that he doesn't or anyone for that matter still holds even just a lil bit of feelings for a person they once met. I think for one, if you could before thinking of spending your life with that person talk to her.. and I mean your ex-girlfriend I mean obviously you still care and think about her. I was kinda in the same situation, I'm bi and I met this girl online things happened and we never talked again.. and I still think about her from time to time I mean its been like 2 years almost and its cause of unresolved issues. I'm now starting to get into an actual relationship and I'm starting to realize that I actually liked that person, lets call her A the first ever real friend I had and I ruined that, I can't believe it took me this long for me to realize that I liked her... I mean.. I kinda knew but I just wanted to ignore it. I feel like I would always love and miss her but I know its not right to anymore, cause now I'm probably going to start a relationship and lets just call this girl T. I say probably because she confessed and she was a long friend I had, we started to pretend date as a trial run and to take it slow to realize my feelings, she said it was ok but I'm honestly scared if we can't go back if it doesn't work out. sorry but what I'm saying seemed kinda similar to me. We both have the same struggle with ourselves so for me its hard to think anyone would love me even me as a person.. so maybe that's kinda the reason why you feel doubts in your current relationship and how it failed for your 5-year relationship but it seemed you truly did love her which begs the question. How did it fall apart, I can only guess and hope it helps you, well for starters I can't hope that it'll truly help you its your choice and your life really, no matter what anyone tells you so its your choice to decide on what matters, what to take action, how to live your life everyone is human so everyone has problems they face no matter how big or small I'm still working on mine. 1st reason obviously communication and finding yourself. What I meant by that is well it seemed to me you have trouble setting boundaries lots of people struggle with that even for T, you might not truly know yourself yet and that.. is what I think is the main point cause I'm the same and if I'm wrong I'm sorry. I don't know the situation so I'm just talking out of my ass like literally- the person you happen to fall in love with in your school broke the relationship and that's what set this, I could think that you still felt some doubt about her, no matter how lil really, it could still bring as much worries and that is probably why you even happen to fall in love with them. Maybe it was a one time thing or a few that you felt this way and you decided to tell her about it who knows. I don't doubt that your feelings for her are real and true and that you really did love her but the fact is.. you didn't care or love her enough to fall for another person. I get it.. truly you probably (and keep this "probably" in mind cause its all I'm sayin) still miss and love her but maybe not enough to talk about it with her directly but still willing and hoping she sees this so she can know your true feelings and maybe you can let her go (probably) I did something like that too word for word.. i miss her and said my feelings where I don't know if she'll read it or not cause I'm scared.. and she did read it and to my surprise she's still willing to be my friend, knowing what a shitty person I am even if she doesn't think so.. I came into terms how that said about me yet she's still willing to come back.. I shouldnt have doubted that she still cares no one knows a person for sure unless a problem arises till it came to show it, whether it be how much they care or how lil they thought of you. You can never truly know till its either too late.. granted I didn't tell her I love her but I came to a fact I don't need to love her and be in a relationship not like I know how to do that. But one thing is for sure is that, talking helps like for real T T I mean lots of people really miss that even me- I mean we're all human so one way or another we'll learn so I guess it really doesn't matter what I'm saying right now, sorry I think I rambled too much and lost a point here and there.. T T but I think him thinking its lucky to get struck by lightning than getting a gf is cause lots of people have different problems And priorities, like for some all they want is to get famous rather them getting a gf cause for them they think its more lucky for that. Sometimes its just the way they were born that they think like that. One thing I propose if you want to and your sure that you want to spend your whole life with him then be yourself at least if you don't know how. Be honest. Tell what you actually think and take it slow.. I know for one taking it too fast can cause.. an opposite effect-- try getting to know each other, setting your priorities if one needs more alone time or not. Matter of fact its fine in wanting that and its fine in wanting a lot of things if that person is right for you. Cause you know it doesn't always work out and I think- even if you know that already I think its something you need to keep in mind at least. Not everyone is going to get along orrr work out. if they did omg T T can you even imagine T T its to cut and leave people off and its fine if y'all don't even work out like you think. I have no say on what you do and if you want to stay longer even if its not working out that's your choice at the end of the day. there's no say who's right or wrong. Everyone has bad and good sides for real :0 I'm also 17 and I don't know if your a girl and I think you are but I am too. I guess all I'm saying is you could be a bad person and a good person at the same time. You already know it Was your fault there's no changing that sadly you could still fix it so I won't happen again if your having trouble with it and if you already fixed that then yippee :D IDK HNSHD honestly some people have made fact that all people are good and bad and some are more bad and some are more good, which is why for some people once they know that they don't see the bad in their actions.. I really hate people like that. but I would understand how they came to be like that.. sadly enough how it is they take advantage of the kind people and use them to satisfy their needs they understand very well they're a awful person but all they think is that its justifiably and a person who's thinks they're more awful than kind someone who thinks they're all the kinds of wrong.. but its only the people that made her think that way.. they're just an average, kind person and they were happy before they met him sure she had her faults but we're all just people trying to live and find ourselves. yeah I guess I know someone like that but sorry again omg T T LOOK HOW LONG THIS IS TF JSNFSJN Anyways I don't expect an answer I don't care if you read it as well, though it would be nice to know that you did and.. I don't know.. you might ask why I'm even saying all this but I guess I see myself and my "pretend" lover T in some aspects of this story. Obviously we're very much different and I can't say you felt what I felt here but if you happen to I just hope this would help at least take care and I hope you have a good life truly hope it goes well for you even though I barely know you >0<!!!! but I'm truly sorry if I said anything wrong I do happen to just say whatever comes out right away and I know I said some or lots of things wrong here and misread or forgot what you said half way writing this T T obviously it took some time writing this I would also say more but that enough for a stranger like me T T I mean if you need help I'm happy to help!! >0<!!!! but ill head off and have a good night cause its night time for me or day!!!

VENTING!!


I am so lost right now. Last 2023, i decided to pursue accountancy as per my brother's suggestion as I was so lost back then— still is lmao, but currently with some blurry direction. I was so lost because when my mother got sick, idk, i just couldnt find my will or something. Recently, I have come to this realization that I do not want accountancy— not that I wanted it in the first place. Ever since before the first year, i have been having existential crisis. I just couldn't see myself doing excel all day, ERP, nor SAP. I mean I get it, there are really so many opportunities in this program, but then, I think my heart beats for engineering. I took STEM courses back in senior highschool. As I mentioned, I was so lost at the time so I went for business instead. My heart longs to design pipes and gears. Both my father and brothers are mechanical engineers. I only realized it recently that I want to be like them too and help with our firm; However, in August, I will become a third year accountancy student, and my family already spent hundred thousands already. Should I give this up or shift to another major?? Or should I finish accountancy then go for mechanical engineering? huhuhu I do not want my family's effort and sacrifices be wasted just because I faltered. Maybe I'll just pray that may my heart be at peace even with its absence I actually got a go signal tbh to shift if I really want to but their money