Romanticization or Dismissal

I've been thinking about this for a while and I think when people say "xyz story romanticizes rape" especially in the context of BL 8 times out of 10 what the really mean is "this story didn't handle the topic with the gravity I think it deserves" which are two different things because a lot of time the rape is framed as bad but it's often framed as bad on the same level as like an argument and not you know assault and I think that's why these criticisms are so irritating because a lot people will say romanticize when they just mean "it happened and nothing came of it" which is yeah bad and annoying but still different from out right believing rape is good