Am I a friend?

LSS ( I tried) : it turns out I was no ones friend, like the ones u hang out daily , get sad when they are absent . I wasn't one of them.

I don't know if I am autistic, but I don't know how to normally talk at all so I get made fun of that, I never get mad at them because they don't like it or its childish ( mainly because they never talk to me after that), but it's okay for them to do that to me.

Like this girl I hang out with got upset for no reason and didn't even talk with me and also told me to go back to my seat, I tired to please her with whatever I could yet I felt like I was being treated as something less than human.
i know u all think it's childish but tell me why when she cried because of someone and I comforted her then suddenly she laughing with that someone? Why is it so different? What is wrong with me?

While scrolling yt shorts I saw a pov saying " that one girl trying to act like she is in our friend group", I thought it was a same situation with me. That rather than as a friend but a someone u felt pity so u let them join.

I should have left when she told me to go , I should have learned to speak and I should I have learned to be alone but I still hope for a friend.

Why do they treat me like a trash? Get mad at me for no reason? Never treated me like an actual friend? Only a temporary one? I am feeling a lot of humiliation, guilt and anger yet I can't do anything because I have anxiety, insecure whenever I think about standing up for myself.

Please tell am I a friend? How to be normal? ( I tired to make it short but still ended up like this but there's a lot more I didn't add).