a story about how I shat myself

so i will prolly delete ts later but I wanted to tell a funny story ab how I shat myself. So I was with my bf in greece for couple days and last day we had to move hotels so we could have better transsport to the airport. There were almost no restaurants execpt one with a really nice view so we sat there and we both got fried calamari. It was fucking disgusting and it feelt like it was made out of pigs anus instead of an actual calamari but I was rlly hungry so I asked the lady if she could bring me some mayo cuz the calamari was also pretty dry. 15 mins went by she apologizes for the wait and gives me the suspicious looking mayo. it tasted even worse with the mayo it was prolly spoiled. anyways, we went home and everything was fine untill I went to the toilet and realized I shat myself I thought I js had WAP(wet ass pussy) but no.... I started squirting LIQUID out of my ass in the hotel toilet and that was when the real fight for life begun. I was going ti the toilet every 50 secs and my anus WAS BURNING SO BAD I literally felt like I was shitting straight up lava. my bf laughing at me the entire time (yes he also helped me dw). I needed to literally lay on the bed with a towel underneath me bc when it was starting it was matter of seconds if I make it to the bathroom. and just when I relaxed in my bbed for like 20 mins I thought I was getting better but oh boy I was wrong.... suddenly while sitting in silence on the bed on the towel with my boyfriend I coould feel smth going up my ass , thought it was a fart and said ''im gonna fart'' and then the only thing we've heard was a juicy fart that turned out to be shitquid. rip 2 pairs of underwear and hotel towel. I gave the restaurant 1 star review.