My first bf (left a trauma type shi)

Now don't judge me too bad cuz NO ONE is mature in their first relationship okay? I accepted him cause he was the first ever guy who proposed to me, and also THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY IN THE SCHOOL, like i am not even kidding yall he was MAJESTIC, like the senior girls would come to our class to look at him. So naturally i also had a bit of a crush on him.

1 or 2 months in, i knew i got myself in a mess. He was not my type AT ALL. The way he talked, walked, his friends, his behavior, just NO
He was not a gentleman, gave no effort to properly know me but said he loved me, and most importantly he never respected my boundaries. All the other stuffs i could still have ignored them but not respecting my boundaries? naaahhh

No means no, okay? But he never understood that. He would keep pushing and pushing until i would say yes. He was also not a man of his words. He would never keep promises. It became so bad i started avoiding his texts cause i knew how the conversation would end and where he would take it.

Whenever he texted, i would feel soo bad in my stomach, i felt like i might puke. My guts were always screaming whenever i got his messages( I KNOW those were NOT butterflies. i know how butterflies feel okay?). I thought 'Maybe this is how it is meant to be. Maybe this is how relationships work'.

Then i met a boy, who was the proper definition of a gentleman. He was all i could ever ask for in a guy. He was mature, charismatic, knew how to hold a conversation, was thoughtful, funny, everything!

He made me realize that no, relationships are not meant to feel that way, what i was feeling was not okay, and a there might just be a guy out there who is just my ideal type. He gave me the courage to finally get out of a relationship which i now know, was toxic.

ya'll breaking up with him was THE BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE. The weird gut feeling? GONE! i felt so relieved and free. i never once regretted my decision.

If you are wondering about the gentleman guy- he wasn't interested in me. He was just very kind. I am really grateful to him cause he helped me a lot without even realizing.