Finally moved on... I think?

For 5 years, I idolized a cosplayer/influencer. Made a fanclub for them, fan accounts, edits, organized online bday events. They're my idol and inspiration, they helped shape my teenage years. Until they started to laylow with their cosplays cuz just like me, they're moving forward with their lives. They're now in college and can't juggle between studies and work so they're on indefinite hiatus. That was a year ago, and they still update us from time to time but it's not the same anymore. I guess I grew up too, became mature, I realized that I don't really have to wait for them and it's time to stop. And I did last year. Deleted my fan accounts, deleted everything I edited for them, pictures I saved. Everything. At first I even saved the photos on a drive just in case I change my mind but I deleted that too afterwards.

It's not like I hate them for going on hiatus. Well ngl, I was upset but then that was just me being parasocial and I know I needed to stop before it gets worse. I still love them because in those 5 years I pretended that they're my best friend and they became such a big part of my life even if they don't know I exist.

Sorry for being dramatic.