feelings

idk i think i just want to write my feelings and my history if no one wants to reply it's fine too, idk if I'm being too dramatic over it but I can't help it i'm getting all too many feelings at once, hate, sadness, self pity and a lot more, my heart feels like it's slowly breaking and i feel the urge to cry all the time, my mom died two years ago and my dad started dating with some woman after almost 1 month, of course me and my sister didn't like this woman for a long time (i still dont like her) and my dad even got married after 1 year with her and moved at her house, calling us selfish because we didn't want her in your house, like i just lost my mom how could you say that, he was the selfish one for abandoning his daughters, abandoning me who was all alone, me sister had her fiance who is a incredible person and stayed with us the whole time, but i was alone, my sister has her fiance and my dad got her, im completely alone. anyway my sister got married and he came back to live in my house with her, i just can't stand them I'm angry at myself and at him, he wasn't a really good husband, he never beat my mom or anything but he wasn't great, and now with her he is just so sweet it disgust me, i feel bad and angry because my mom never got this treatment, i totally feel like between me and her he would choose his new wife, my house has two floors, the bedrooms stay up and the living room down, i was at the living room and they in their bedroom, i hear him saying to his new wife that he didn't want to stay down here while the food was heating up, because they were going to eat on the bedroom, i know he didn't want to stay with me, he said it in a whisper but i could hear him, like it's so bad that I don't like her, it's so bad that I don't feel at home at my own house how could i be selfish if I'm losing everything that i had, I don't have my sister with me i feel totally alone, i feel my throat hurt and I don't want to do anything, i feel way better at my work than at my house, how can this be? I'm sick of myself, worst is she got everything from her house to mine, her things stink of mold and they are all over, it pains me and brings me rage, i don't even talk anymore i feel like a mouse trying to live quiet just tiny bits of me in the house i don't belong here anymore, worst is if i could i would get away.. anyway i think that's it, actually a lot of other things happened like she calling me and my sister selfish and saying we don't care about my dad happiness, this whore never even said sorry for saying this things and my dad didn't even get angry in your behalf, i feel sometimes I'm going to go crazy and do something i shouldn't, i hope I don't God i pray I don't, anyway now i finished haha wish me luck guys