Did you ever miss me?
Every day, every single day, I woke up with you beside me, feeling the warmth of the morning sun, hearing your small yawn with giggles when I'm too stunned, looking at the most amazing man I’ve ever known. It’s just sad that you left me so suddenly, not knowing where you are, or just leaving me with the thought that you’re tired of me and never had a thought of me or what we could’ve done with those precious times in the future with me, where I could give you the red rose you always wanted, haha. Man, I really miss you. I miss you so much.
I miss the person who helped me when everyone hated me for the way I speak or look, but you... you actually acknowledged everything I have, every single weird thing about me. Or when I said pineapple on pizza is good to start our conversation back on our first date because I was too nervous to say something you might hate, but you just laughed. And when we were done eating at the expensive restaurant, you took me to a local pizzeria and bought a pizza with pineapple on it just to say to me that you don’t care whatever toppings are on it—you’re just too happy to eat it with me.
But always question without answer is the only things i could think of.
Why did you just leave me so suddenly?
Why delete every connection we have?
Left me with thoughts so unbearable.
Left without saying anything.
I just don’t know why.
Yet all the things you said were that I’m on my own now, that I learned how to stand up, I learned to love myself, I learned to understand how things work. But did you ever learn that I like you? Did you ever think that? Or maybe you did—that’s why you left. YEAH, MAYBE THAT’S WHY.
MAYBE YOU HATE ME FOR LOVING YOU. YOU KNEW IT, DIDN’T YOU? YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT I BECOME DEPENDENT ON YOU THAT YOU LEFT ME. YOU LEARNED THAT I FUCKING LIKE YOU DIDN'T YOU?.
WHAT?? YOUR A FUCKING COWARD? Is it because you’re scared? YOU’RE SCARED, FUCKER? YOU’RE SCARED BECAUSE I’M A GUY LIKING ANOTHER MAN??? YOU’RE TOO DISGUSTED WITH ME THAT YOU LEFT WITHOUT A SECOND FUCKING THOUGHT?? YOU LEFT BECAUSE YOU LEARNED YOUR FRIEND STARTED TO DEVELOP FUCKING FEELINGS. THIS IS WHY I HATED YOU DUDE, I CAN’T HELP IT. I just can’t help it, okay.
MAYBE LIAM If only I were the woman you wanted, maybe I could be with you. Maybe if I didn’t meet you, I wouldn’t have developed these feelings. Maybe if you didn’t come and help me, maybe I wouldn’t have developed feelings for you. Maybe if... I’m not gay.
.
.
.
...
...I’m sorry... I just don’t know what I should do next. I’m really sorry. Could continuing to love you do something else? I just don’t know. I feel so fucking empty, Liam. I really don’t know.
I just can’t accept that you took yourself away from me, that I can no longer see your smile, that the last thing I could see you in was your favorite white coat while I tossed you a rose you always liked and not just a boring white flower.
I really miss you.
You just left so suddenly that I didn’t even get to say
I love—
