my bisexual(?) dream and a cup of yappuccino

I always fantasize about the time when I'll have a boyfriend, and he cheats on me and I get together with the girl he cheated on me with. Or we break up and his new girl slides into my DMS, being bitchy and insulting me (which I'll absolutely love) and then we get together. Do I deserve a guillotine?

That being said, I call myself bisexual because all the crushes I've had on were men, but all my past relationships are women. I don't find women attractive; their looks don't attract me. I, instead, fall for their personalities. This is why I fell in love with my online best friend (BIG BIG MISTAKE DO NOT ATTEMPT.) And once I'm in love with a woman, I want to date them. With men, it’s the opposite. I find them physically attractive and I’ve had plenty of crushes, but the actual thought of dating one disgusts me. I fall for the look, but the second a guy starts talking to me, I get incredibly uncomfortable. I’ll admit I like the attention when a guy has a crush on me, but I won’t even fathom actually dating one. Oh, by the way, all the men I've liked are short and cute types too. I don't know whether I'm just a bisexual who leans towards girls or just a lesbian who's extremely picky about my types. But regardless of everything, I believe that my refusal to date men is me refusing to enter patriarchic where women are consistently undervalued, disrespected, or burdened. While I do admit that there are indeed good men out there, seeing firsthand how men treat women while I was growing up makes my disgust stronger.