HELLO SAILOR

anyways guys i have passed HS and now am having , you guessed it, an existentional crisis. I am lowkey highkey all key insane, doing some crashcourse for some engineering exams rn(last thing i want to be doing) and realized i wasted 18 yrs on this terrific rock in space, guys so im just venting ranting all that jizz BUT NOW WITH NEWLY FORMATTED BULLET POINTS.

1. i want be an actor like i want to be famous(either or kind) yes this is a childish dream yes im grasping at straws, yes i have a weird plan, smh grab a college in a casting area and start auditioning. maybe try as a model first(im 5'9) and then yk keep on keep on going maybe land some things ahahaha somebody sedate me. anyways yea i want to be that one in a million.

2. i want to just idk be happy, if god would gimme a stick to make me forget all my wretched desires and dreams so i could be a robot who could study n work that's also ok.

3. i need to re start therapy with a decent therapist this time, i need meds for the ADHD in my veins ts crazy atp, got 0 attention span anol. anyways yadaya.

4. I have found i literally do not care for love romance etc, id be happy to have sex but yea can't imagine committing to all that. genuinely dont see that as a goal or something to have.

5. I want to be amazing. I wanna be STARLIGHT ANYA. get me? im kidding guys.
6. I want to start believing in myself. this is such a big ASK.

7. get rid of religious guilt cos omfg i hate it

ok yea these r all normal things to want but they're so torturous to not haveeeee. byeee(๑•ㅂ•)و✧