liking someone as a chopped person

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CHOPPED AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD ASFFF

I'm crying. (I'm just screaming in the inside)

Me and my crush for 6-7 years have been chatting *****???**** (heavy on the question marks btw) for quite some time now butttt

WHAT SHOULD MY SOCIALLY AWKWARD ASS DO

we weren't even *chatting* chatting cuz it's more like this. I would read their manuscript aloud on our vc. they would occasionally put some bgm on the background. they would send cat/meme/oguri cap gifs. so ofc I'd send back gifs and gif chain and fuckk idk anymore

they'd also invite me to play games *whenever* they're online. we're playing duos now. FUCKMYLIFEEEE AND I STILL CAN'T SAY SHITTTTT. we've never open our mics on that game. maybe once but idfkkkkk.

we have NEVER even talk about what's going on in our irls. i mean I'M WAY TOO SCARED AT THIS KINDA STUFF. and lwk it's kind of my fault cuz I never send anything first :'))

IM ACTUALLY CRYING NOW (I'm still screaming in the inside. it just got louder)

idfk how to initiate conversations, let alone do **this**. im tired lwk. i've been replaying Niki bcs of them. hell she became my top artist for 3 months bcs of them.

I thought college would make me forget about them but NAHHHHH fuck.

that's all. i just need to get this out of my chest. please i badly need an advice