Kuma-chan ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ's question page 2 (87)

I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into an infinite loop of "go ask your mom".

Yesterday kids kept on ding dong ditching me so the last time they rang my bell I got soo annoyed I opened the door with a big knife shouting, "PREPARE TO DIE".
I scared a Jehovah's witnesses.

Saw some random post about how all gays have a mole on their wrist (or bottom of hand). And I really do have it!!




ʕ••ʔ

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!”

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.”

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina.

The doctor said, “OK, what I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina.”

The husband nodded and gave his approval.

The young lady said, “Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it.”

So, the doctor covered the tip of his penis with honey and inserted it into the young lady’s vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper.” So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.

The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady’s breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?”

The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plans. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?"
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his fatger the same question.
His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks thats neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy is dying?"
"Uncle Harry is blowing Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Heterosexual - I'm a Coke fan.

Homosexual - I'm a Pepsi fan.

Bisexual - I'm a fan of both. Not at the same time, but either is fine.

Polygamist - I mix mine together sometimes. Other times I just have a bunch of cans of one at a time.

Transsexual - I drink my Coke out of a Pepsi glass or vice versa.

Pansexual - It's all just soda to me, I drink whatever I'm in the mood for.

Asexual - I drink water.

While I was out shopping today I tripped in the store, a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said, "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.

As a teenager her mоther first started tо cоmpete with her. She was оnly 20 years оlder than her, and said that her clоthes were better suited tо her, that her fооd was better. Nоthing she did was gооd enоugh.

During the periоd while she was sick, her mоther went tо her hоuse tо help her husband take care оf her sоn whо at the time, was 4 years оld.
Her husband, now ex had оnly visited her twice and her mоther, nоne.

After she was discharged she called my mоther and asked if it was true that they were tоgether. The answer? That yes, tоgether and very happy.






True story.

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Coconut
ʕ•ω•ʔ✧ got ya

...until you listen to them with your parents in the car.

I was jerking off on my bed in my bedroom. I had locked the door, but somehow managed not to close door all the way. My mom had some friends over so I tried to be really quiet. Little to my knowledge, she decided to give her guests a tour of the house. So about five minutes into my jerkfest, the door swings open. My first reaction was to roll off the bed to hide my raging woody. I landed on the floor boner-down. Needless to say, I can now pee around corners.

Answer it and whisper "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!" Then hang up.




I tried it and the voice said "Good, I have another job for you."


I-

Cover me, I’m going in!

I have a brother and we share everything with each other. One day his wife had just given birth and after thanking his doctor he pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

After winking at him he said," I'm off duty in 10 minutes - meet me at the car park."

Miscarriage.



That joke never gets old. Neither does the baby




















It's a dark joke, don't attack me.

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.

The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons are.

Guy1: My son is so successful he owns a car dealership and just gave his best friend a Ferrari.

Guy2: That's nothing, my son is so successful he owns an airline company and just gave his best friend a jet.

Guy3: Well my son is more successful than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a mansion.

Guy4 walks out of the restroom and ealks over to the other three guys.

Guy4: Hey guys, what are you talking about?

Guy1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are.

Guy4: Well, my son is a gay stripper.

Guy2: You must be so dissapointed with what he's done with his life.

Guy4: Actually, he's doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a mansion from his three boyfriends.