Kuma-chan ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ's question page 4 (87)

Mmmm~ yes~ ah~ splendid ah~ indeed scrumptious, carry on good havens I'm arriving~





ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ

Two wolves fight inside you: one wants to cut off all your hair, the other wants to grow your hair out really long. You are gay.

Condom: You always take my job for a whole week!
Tampon: Yea, but when you fuck up, I lose my job for 9 months.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.


The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.” The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?” The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers, and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout, ‘Give me $20 or it comes clean off!'” “That seems fair enough,” the cop says. “So, what’s in the other sack?” The old lady replies, “Not everyone pays…”

I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

I'm really scared.....is it stuck?

Newlyweds are going at it in their apartment building.
That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud. So the next morning neighbor John tells the man, "Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?"

So Mike does. That night the young couple begins. After a while Mike calls out, "This ok John?"

"Yuuup! Fine!"

After a while he calls again, "This alright Johnny?"

"Fine, fine!"

And a third time, "This alright, pal?"

"Mike! Take the ducktape off!"

"What? Why?!"

"The entire building thinks you're fucking me!!!"

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

Your reaction is the face your making right now.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hers, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800$ to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her 800$ and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next-door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800$ he owes me?"

Apparently lesbians have sex by sticking each other's nipples in the other's vagina.

Me: I keep having a dream about a wall.
Therapist: Maybe you can walk me through it.
Me: [quietly] Holy shit