kiyo 清's question page 1 (30)

Can someone recommend some good Danmei Novels? I recently read Little Mushroom and I loved it so freakin much!!!!!!

I don't really want to read any historical ones, so please don't recommend things like MDZS/TGCF/SVSSS (Unless you think something is a MUST read).

I've been eyeing Guardian and Sa Ye, but I wanna hear what you guys think!

Anyone wanna share their experiences with coming out?
I'm interested as someone who'll probably never do it.

yukio from blue exorcist and takemichi from tokyo revengers

i feel so listless. like i've never and will never amount to anything. and idk it doesn't feel like it's just in a self-deprecating sense. i don't have any dreams or aspirations. i don't really like being around anyone but i force it when needed. i have simple hobbies that i think i pretend to like more than i actually do. i fear that i have no love for no person, no thing, and not myself. like i don't have a personality. i go to uni and plan to go to med school, but it is not for myself. when i was younger i would tell my mom that i had no dreams and she would get so angry at me. she doesn't believe that people can have no dreams. is that so abnormal? i just wish to have a humble life by myself, but even then i feel i will always be empty. growing up i've always had sxcidal thoughts, but now that i'm older it feels like i was so stupid. there's no point in dying. but is living like this even living? is there any point to anything i do? to wake up, study, eat, work, indulge in simple pleasures?

i don't know if i'm aro ace or if I'm just giving up because unconciously I believe I am unloveable and I wanna save myself the heartache when i'm inevitably abandoned by all the things I thought I loved.

dude who ever told me to read the global examination novel. come here I just wanna give you a kiss. i'm willing to do more if you wanted.

Growing up I never thought I'd make it to 18, but here I am 19 and still alive. I've struggled with suicidal ideation and stuff which explains my way of thinking back then. And I'm not fully "cured" or whatever now, but even aside from that I just can't imagine myself growing old. I was watching an anime earlier and someone in the comments started off with "I'm 40..." and I genuinely thought to myself "damn". I just can't imagine being 40 and doing the things I enjoy now like indulging in K-pop, anime, manga, etc. What would I even need to live that long for? It really stumps me idk how people can just keep going idk Maybe it's cause I don't really feel like I have a life's purpose yet. I'm just a random college student. Maybe once I get a job or something I'll think differently. And maybe it's just my poor mental health thinking this, but idk I feel like even without it I'd still think the same. I just feel like on the inside I'll never grow up as fast as I'm aging.

Growing up I never went out/my parent never took me out. Whether it be out to eat, to the mall, movies. Really anywhere. Only on special occasions or maybe once every other month sometimes.
I never discussed it with ppl cause I thought it was normal. But once I got social media I realized that ppl go out nearly every day even on school days or getting food with family and friends. Now I'm 19, and idk if it's related, but I developed to have severe social anxiety, so even when my friends wanna go out I'm very scared of going out/hanging out with them. Even to lunch or something simple.

I know they’re not real. I KNOW this. And yet, here I am, spiraling because I saw a sad TikTok edit of Gojo and Geto today, and now my whole mood is in the gutter. Like, their story is so fucking tragic, and the worst part?? Nothing could’ve changed it. They were doomed. That’s it. Game over.

And it’s not just them. Any character with a tragic ending or some irreversible fate that just is what it is takes me out SO bad. It makes me feel crazy because it’s like when real people die—you will never, EVER see them happy again. No fix-it, no resolution. Just permanent sadness. (And don't get me started on au fanfics. I know). Like, my brain understands that they’re fictional, but my heart is out here acting like I lost a childhood friend.

And I don’t even think I’m that empathetic irl??? Or am I subconsciously??? Idk. I see these characters suffer, and it physically hurts. I get so attached, maybe even parasocially (cringe we get it), but when bad shit happens to them, I feel GUTTED. It’s like how I’m majorly depressed but still manage to do what I need to do even with non existent motivation because life just keeps moving and I have shit I need to do regardless of how I'm feeling.
In the sense that I feel this way, but don't display crazy irl.

Idk, man. Maybe I’m actually losing it. Does anyone else get like this, or am I just crazy

I'm gonna be on a plane soon and I wanna download manga offline (for free). I used to be able to use the app 'tachimanga' and I could download mangago stories through that app. I tried redownloading the app, but I don't really get what's going on with it. The 'extensions' thing don't really make sense to me even through the FAQs. When I used it before I could access and download everything through there not get it from somewhere else and somehow access it on the app idk.

Anyone know what app or site I can use to effectively download free manga?

I really love blue lock, tokyo revengers, and wind breaker (the manga). I'm looking for similar recommendations! I want the art to be similar too, so "modern" as opposed to an old school style. please help bro i need something to read

i don't really like media manhwa/manga/shows etc. with a female lead. i just don't like the way that females are portrayed in media. especially if it happens to be romance and the relationship with the ml.
idk i love real life women (this sound incel af lmao) and have good relationships irl this just pertains to online media. maybe i just had a bad impression, but idk. this can't just be me? i just can't find it in me to read or watch anything if a female is the mc. maybe give me something good idk if i'll read it though RIP

I know so many people who treat mental illnesses like Pokemon. Why are you trying to speed-run diagnoses?

They're never lowkey about it either like fuckkkk why do you need to mention to me that you have depression and bpd every day? Take your medicine. Why do you have to tell me you're gonna stop taking it every day even though you're gonna end up taking it anyways? Why do you keep complaining about how you're so skinny and how I should force you to have meals?

I am not your therapist nor your caretaker.

I just can't stand these people. I also have depression due to trauma, ptsd, anxiety etc. but none of my "friends" know about it because not only do they apparently have every mental illness under the sun, but they also are so attention-seeking and narcissistic they can only ever talk about themselves.

Fuckk people piss me off.

Does anyone else feel like they're just mindlessly wasting time? Mindlessly existing?

Summer is over and I'll be back at uni soon, but I didn't do a single meaningful thing even for myself. I didn't even go out and see friends let alone get a part time job and what not. Don't get me wrong I tried applying to so so many things at the start of summer, but i got no responses back and these were just random jobs cause i got too anxious to try for internships, but even then i got no call backs. Maybe this is an excuse cause I didn't try hard enough, but really I felt like i tried my best.

I'm really anxious so I'm always avoiding my friends and lost contact with all of my hs friends and now I don't really text/call my uni friends I only respond sometimes when they contact me. I said I'd be better out of hs and rebrand myself for uni... but ofc that didn't work and I'm still the same old me.

Even what I'm doing in uni I'm not passionate about. And don't start with "you're young you can still find your passions" and whatnot. I just feel like there's nothing I'm passionate about. Even as a child there was nothing I dreamed to be. I don't dream of working. But of course a human has got to work. The path I choose was what I'm most interested in so it was the only option if I actually wanted to get through uni.

I just feel like I'm so loveless, so passionless, and I do what's asked of me even doing it to my best capabilities but inside i'm so listless and my work ethic is low even when it appears high outwardly. I feel like a brainless sheep.

I'm just a normal kid too like I've never had a rebellious era or ever got in trouble before. I've keep my grades good and have never in my life have even been in a confrontation with someone. Like I'm truly just floating around doing and accomplishing nothing on my own.

There's nothing I want to accomplish too. Just want to make money when i get a job out of uni and live simply i guess. I'll probably be alone as well cause i'm terrible at keeping up with friends.

I'm asexual too possibly aromatic as well, so i don't necessarily mind it, but everything together just makes me think i'm such an unfit human like if i'm gonna be like this can't i at least act up? be the rebellious type? so when i wander around listlessly people see my character and think "that makes sense"? that i got with a bad crowd and ruined my life or something. but no this is just how it is. how it always is.

You've probably guessed it by now but growing up i had some... pretty bad idealizations. I have them occasionally sometimes when it gets really bad but I don't have any thought of... you know actually doing anything. So it's like I'm really just existing. and that's it. Like I'm not even really human at all and just made wrong from the get go.

I've written a bit like this online before sharing my thoughts and such and some think i'm autistic or something but idk just doesn't feel right... actually maybe idk. not that i'll be going to the doctors to find out or anything just thought i'd mention it.

don't know why i felt compelled to write this maybe if someone is going through a similar thing

growing up and even now my mom says a lot of cursewords/calls me bad names in her native language. since I grew up with her like that I'm very desensitized, but now that I'm older and think about the things she says by converting them to english it was actually a big eye opener. if she talked to me the way she does in public using english instead someone might actually call the police LMAO. i just never realized it cause I always concidered english words more harsh as i grew up in the states, mostly, but if you translate what she says it it's even worse than english curse words.

I've never smoked before, but I a lot of the time am craving a cigarette. And not like vaping, but an actual cig. I've never smoked before never even tried it and I don't know/ am never around any smokers, so I haven't consumed a lot of second hand smoke. My parents also never smoked in their lives. Still sometimes the craving get's so bad like I'm experiencing phantom withdrawals LMAO

I don't even like the idea of smoking and I hate the smell, so Idk why I'm so obsessed or why I'm craving one so bad. The only time I've viewed cigs in a "positive" light is bc I think they look cool in drawings and ig certain ppl look good whilst smoking.

I'm not planning on picking up a bad habit or anything just ranting if anyone else has experienced such a thing.

Don't get me wrong I've had friends before. Whatever that means...

I'm just confused on how people can trust others completely. I am disillusioned by everyone i have ever met. No one is perfect and obviously I'm aware of that, but I don't think that's a fact that I'll ever be ok with.

That's not to say I'm perfect. Far from it really lmao...
It's just I feel like I will always want to isolate myself cause there will always be something wrong and not "normal" with the way i live and i will always find something wrong with everyone in my life.

If you witness someone do a single thing wrong how will you ever be able to look past that? I'll never forget and we'll never go back to normal. At least not in my mind.

Even if someone seems "perfect" I will never know what they are thinking and they could think I'm terrible and awful. Even that I find fault with.

Is the problem that I care too little? Or that I care too much? Am I just looking for excuses to punish myself by pushing everyone else away?

I think I'm just someone who will never be able to trust others or myself.

I've always wanted to get older, but now not so much... I like the idea of getting older and having my own place and a stable job with independence, but I'm just in the awkward college still sort of a-kid phase. Growing up I was always the youngest in a situation and I feel like that's all I could really offer. I just finished my first year of uni and now that I'm entering my second year I won't be "babied" anymore since I'm not a first-year my age is really hitting me. And I know it sounds stupid cause technically I'm 19 and not quite "old" yet, but I feel like I'm at a turning point right now. Like something is changing. I don't know. I hated being a kid cause I had a rough upbringing, but I'm clinging to the past like a lifeline. It's pathetic, but I feel like I have no more excuses for how underdeveloped and how stupid I still feel now.

I can't fucking stand people who hate works because it's gotten "too popular" or the "fandom is too cringe". I don't mind when people hate shit just because they don't like it, but when people start hating stuff cause it's "overhyped" or they don't like the fandom it's just so fucking stupid. It's so elitist. Can't you enjoy something or hate something using your own fucking opinion without being persuaded by a community? Terrible people in a fandom exist for literally every piece of media and literature just because you don't see it doesn't mean they don't exist.

does anyone else stalk other peoples accounts on here? whether it be to look at their bio/their reading lists or even just read through all their questions and responses throughout the years

ps. if you reply to this i'm gonna look through ur entire account /srs