kiyo 清's question page 2 (30)

i wanted to have tea. i saw that we had green tea in the house. so i brewed it and drank it. it was so good i brewed a second. now my stomach is in fucking shambles. i looked at the tea packet and am realizing it's my moms asian probiotic green tea that she get's at this sketchy ass shop that definitely has some laxatives in it.
i feel like i might die bro.
never drinking tea again fuckkkk

Dude, I fucking hate "loser" posers. And I know this sounds so pathetic, like it’s some kind of competition, but hear me out.

I’m the type of person who’s into anime, weeb shit, always got my headphones on, wearing black—your stereotypical “loser” type. And I have some friends at uni who like the same stuff as me, right? And this is never outright said or anything, but they also consider themselves losers.

But that’s the problem. They’re not losers.

They’re always going out, have a ton of friends, constantly on their phones, part of clubs like dance and shit. And like, I wouldn’t wanna change them or anything—we’re friends for a reason, you know?

I just wish I had some actual “loser” friends. I like being alone, I really do, but I wish I had someone who could just be a loser with me. Someone to chill, read manga/manhwa, watch anime, and enjoy dumb shit with. But I guess that’s the thing about real losers—you can’t just find them. They’re so secluded, so in their own world, that they’re basically impossible to befriend unless you somehow stumble into each other’s orbit.

Once in high school, I had a friend like that. Honestly, I think she was my soulmate. We just matched—same weird energy, same loser tendencies. She was so cool in the uncoolest way. But she didn’t end up going to university, and we just kinda drifted. I guess that’s life, but damn, I miss her.

Maybe this is all just a huge projection because I miss my soulmate.

sometimes I feel like I can’t even trust myself. the world feels distorted, like i’m stuck in a dream I can’t wake up from. even my own body doesn’t feel real. it’s like I’m disconnected from everything, including myself. and no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong.

but on the outside, I seem fine. i go through the motions, smile when I’m supposed to, do everything I’m supposed to do. no one could ever tell. if anything, I seem normal. maybe even happy. and that makes it worse. if i’m so “normal,” then is this fear even real? is there something wrong with me, or am I just making it all up?

it feels like I’m just an actor playing a role, like I’m not really myself. the disconnect is unbearable. nothing feels real, i don’t feel real. if I’m only pretending to exist, does anything even matter at this point?

my stomach hurts so bad guys. like nothing i've ever felt before. it's been hurting for over 1 and a half days now. it hurt so bad that yesterday i took a nap even though i never do in order to escape the pain and maybe feel better when i woke up but, spoiler alert, i woke up and my stomach still fuckin hurt.

it hurt the rest of the day then when it was actually time to sleep i thought i might finally be free, but i woke up today and it still hurts so fuckin bad. what the actual fuck.
i haven't eaten anything weird/different/spoiled and i didn't get hurt. i have no idea what it could be. i can't even eat all i've been doing is drinking water

I've always had an irrational fear that my appendix will burst, but if that was the issue i'd be dead rn... right?

i'm not going to the doctors or anything just felt like ranting idk hopefully it goes away soon or something

Anyone have any BL live action recommendations?

My absolute favorites are Japanese "My Beautiful Man", "His (the movie)" and "Our Youth" as well as Thai "Bad Buddy".

I need recs that are ACTUALLY good like acting, plot, filming etc. I know some people watch BL just bc it's bl and I get it lmao, but I really can't watch something if it's cringy/boring. Thank you!!

Anyone have any game recs? Mainly RPGs, Visual Novels, or Mystery's!

Some Games I've Played:
- ZENO Remake (SOOO PEAK)
- Zeno Daily life (PEAK SEQUAL)
- Saihate Station (No words amazing)
- Your Turn to Die (Peak Fiction truly ch2 wasn't my fav tho lol)
- Let Sleeping Dogs lie Demo (Super good detective game waiting for the full release!)
- A Date with Death (I thought Casper was sooo cute + art is gorgeous)
- Dead Plate (Mhm Mhm IFKYK)
- Elevator Hitch (I love Puzzles, but FUCKKKK lmao so hard at times)
- Killer Chat (It's ok...)
- No, Thank You (Just like the title NO THANK YOU so fuckin asssss)
- Project Blue (up my ally ig just couldn't do this one for some reason lol)
- Hashihime of The Old Book Town (Trouble following the story lmao maybe I'll try this again)

[I'm more of a let's play watcher so I haven't played many games personally lmao, but I'll mention all the Danganronpa games just because lol V3 SUPERMACY]

So I'm on summer break from uni now and I'm deciding if I wanna go back. Not that I'm dropping out!!! lol just deciding if I wanna transfer.

I was one of those I REALLY need to get away from home kids, so I went to a smaller school out of state. And it was terrible. I mean the classes where ok and I made some amazing friends. But I HATE dorming with others. I feel like there would be no problem if I had a single, but I can'tttt live w ppl I need my own space.

Even though I dormed with friends my 2nd year I still wanted to kms ughhhh. That's not the only problem either the school is really small so there's literally no place to study the library is ALWAYS filled and there's no spaces to be alone at allll not even in my own dorm. And I'm the type that will IMPLODE if I don't have time to myself. I genuinely don't know how I lasted so long.

I submitted a app to a larger in state school and got accepted and I think it's really nice. The campus is gorgeous and huge. I just don't know how I'd break the news to my friends/roomies since we applied to be in the same room next year and I never told them I was considering transferring... But I genuinely might off myself if I have to go back.

At the same time though I might off myself having to live with family since I'll be living at home if i transfer lmao.

The decision is to choose the lesser evil at this point lmao. Any thoughts for a struggling student?

hey guys!! i've been wanting to get into makeup for a while, but am not sure how to go about it. i'm not really looking for full glam just light coverage for an everyday look. i'm not a complete noob, so I know what everything is (mostly). just overall tips on what products/brands to purchase! and best ways to apply! if it's of any help i'm asian and a uni student. thank you :)

the entire concept of saving face just pisses me off.

i understand it as a concept when it comes to acquaintances/colleagues and such, where if you don't see someone much or are in a professional relationship then you want to show them only you're best side as you aren't intending to get too close to them. however, i'm from east asia (japan) where saving face even applies to your own family. i've spent a lot of time in the states and studying english which is why i can recognize this, but is it not strange to need to save face to your own parents and siblings? doesn't necessarily apply for me personally, but for example my family is always hiding who they are from their own siblings and parents and only showing their best side. i understand parents to an extent because of the generation gap, but your siblings? there's like this underlying jealousy and competition where you have to be the best, brag about your children and your life in order to save face and garner the most jealousy towards yourself. even towards their own friends. my mother is always telling me how to act when we visit and she never shares anything bad just always talking about others and putting herself in the best light while her friends do the same. idk if i explained it the best, but is this concept of saving face normal everywhere? i thought if you're considered close to your family and friends you would share everything not only trying to showcase the best

i'm unable to form any meaningful connections. i had a group of friends in hs, but i was so anxious all the time that I would literally avoid them when it got too bad and I would never hang out with them outside of school. we'd rarely even text. keep in mind i've been friends with them since 5th grade. they'd always joke about how hard it was to reach me and that after hs they'd probably never see me again (not cause they hate me but because i'm so unreachable). whenever we would see each other at school/in class we were close friends and on grad day we took many pictures as a group and it was fun. after grad though since we never really texted (they text just not with me) we grew apart. they reach out to me individually to talk sometimes (i've never been able to reach out in my life). so that's the extent of my hs friendship. i feel like i'll see them some time and it'll be like the old days still.. i just finished my 1st year of uni and contrary to my belief did make another friend group. again i would always avoid them when my anxiety got too bad, but they'd drag me to their dorms and we'd hang out pretty often. but once again i refuse to go off campus with them. now during the summer we used to send tiktoks or even text. but stopped after a while. my friends even tried face timing me (i came up with an excuse then never face timed after). eventually, i needed to get a new number and I still haven't told them it. and now it's just a standstill. they don't have my number, but they could still reach out to me through other things. not that it's on them to reach out to me. i'm rooming with my friends next year so we'll still be friends though. just feel like i'll be even more anxious now that i have no where to run.
i think i have an issue. people always come to me and somehow i push them away always. my mind can't seem to tell the difference between a friend and a stranger. i'm anxious around them all the same.

what is wrong with me?
(feel free to ask clarifying questions)