17 isn't a grown up, no disrespect intended there. You're being too hard on yourself. Your parents are still supposed to be taking care of you, that includes treating an illness by taking you to a doctor. You don't deserve to feel this way. Also, maybe put the aromantic asexual stuff and all that on the backburner. Jeez, you're way too young to label yourself that way. Believe me, you don't want to miss out on sex, life's greatest pleasure. If you don't feel anything, that's depression, if you don't feel anything sexually, that's something a doctor can help with. They can give you hormone cream or whatever to fix that, but you have to tell them or they can't help out. IMO forget about how you need to love yourself. lol What does that shit even mean? LOL To me, it seems like you're putting too many things on yourself to figure out, and there are other people whose responsibility it is to get you through all this. You shouldn't be facing this shit all by yourself as if you're a 45 year old person or something.
Well at some point we all gonna die right. Tbh its a lie if i said death never crossed my mind. I even sometime wishes to dissappear or never woke up from my sleep. I wouldnt call my condition is a depression because im not lacking anything. Im just a little sad and empty. I know i wouldnt commit suicide or get to that point because everyone kinda go through this kind of situation. I just dont have courage to be vulnerable again nor trust people again. I've tried again and again to fix my trust issue and to fix my behavior around people to make it easy for me to blend in-
It just didnt work. I join clubs and sports club to get out of my confort zone but it just make me miserable and alone. It was painful for me but i stay till the end and it still didnt working up for me. Sometime i even felt stupid for trying so hurt because it didnt worth it.
Maybe there is something wrong with me and i already accept that. No one can use your weakness against you if you accept it first.
It's not just me stupidly theorizing, it's well established that thinking about suicide, feeling sad and empty inside... these are strong symptoms of depression. You don't necessarily have to feel terrible. If you find yourself thinking about these things, you can recognize these symptoms and seek treatment for them. Does that make sense? Like you, I also know I wouldn't commit suicide, but that doesn't mean that when I think about it I'm not depressed.
Not everyone goes through what you're going through. In fact most people don't. Everyone's going to tell you stupid shit like, "sure I get a little depressed sometimes, but I just get busy till it goes away." I think most people will have this attitude, but it's a bad, prejudiced attitude, and it's their ignorance. They don't understand what actual depression is so they strongly reject the idea that other people have a serious illness that is nothing like their "getting busy to cure depression" stupid shit is. Not taking people with depression seriously is a real failing on the part of our society.
You shouldn't have to be fixing your trust issues and behavior. Your parents are supposed to be there for you. for chrissakes you're only seventeen. People in their nineties are still trying to fix their trust issues. No one ever really conquers their trust issues. Lack of trust is built into your basic survival drive. Everyone has these trust issues. You're smart to be cautious and untrusting. It's a self-protection, so there's no reason to think there's something wrong with you just because you have trust issues. Don't fuking trust anyone with your private shit that they could hurt you with. not anyone.
Maybe sports is not for you. So what? lol Screw sports. At seventeen you have the right to explore everything and anything, and to make a fool of yourself, make collossal mistakes. It's even expected of you. Really, no matter what age you are, doing shit that embarrasses you is probably a positive characteristic, not a negative one.
People say a lot of things like "Just be yourself" "No one can use your weakness against you if you accept it first" "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" "You have to get out of my comfort zone" You can drive yourself nuts trying to do all these things people say. Some of it is utter bullshit. Most of these things people say are total crap. You CAN absolutely love someone else before you love yourself. In fact, you're ready to love someone and be loved right now, as you are. You don't need any improvements or preparations.
I have no idea what "accept yourself" means. lmao Sure as hell there's a lot of shit I don't accept about myself. TNo one wholly accepts themselves.
Shit, don't listen to people when they say stuff that sounds like the same phrase everyone else is saying. That stuff is almost always crap.
Wait. you didn't say you were seventeen, did you. Sorry sorry. Still, all this crap I said still applies.
lol sorry for the long posts. okay, This stuff isn't from someone who is your age but ever so superior in wisdom. LOL Nooo. I'm probably a little older, so please don't think I'm being a superior ass. I'm a bastard who has made plenty of mistakes so .... and anyway, I'm not always right, just most of the time. lol
Im not seventeen lol. Im early twenty and fully funtional adult. I dont have the privilage to just sit around and stuck in my room because im kinda have to be responsible adult?
Since i have a lot of siblings i've never depend on my parents because they kinda closed minded? They never had the time for me and sometime i even felt guilty to ask anything from them because they have alot on their plate. I even got scholarship during high school because i hate being a burden eventhough i hate studing my ass off. I never felt loved from them thats why i barely talked about my issue to them. My mom always told me i was a dissapointment sometime i wide awake at night wondering why am i alive. Thats why i sort get too attached to my friend during highschool.
Well maybe sport isnt for me then. At least i can comfort myself that i always tried to change even if the result doesnt change.
In my opinion accepting yourself is to accept your flaws. So that when people criticize me it wont break my heart. Maybe i was in denial. Maybe it was my coping mechanism.
Btw thank you so much for replying. I never get to talk about this issue to anyone because it embarassing and i hate being vulnarable. I also afraid people will saying that im just attention seekers or any bullshit like that. To get this off my chest is refreshing.
Tbh i once talked about my issue at home to my school counselor and it make me felt terrible. I told her i was sad and i dont understand why my parents never satisfied with anything i did.why they keep comparing me with my other people. I never asked to be born. She told me that i might be the problem. Maybe i did something wrong. Thats why i was treated that way. I was at the lowest point on my life that time bcs i lost my friend and hearing that i was the problem kinda destroy my self esteem. I cried almost every night back then.
Since then i sort get attach to my phone instead of with people. I distract myself with novel, manga, anime, kpop k drama and many more.
that counselor needed to fire herself. lol I don't think you need a reason to be alive. LOL I notice that squirrels never seem to feel they need to justify their existence. lmao.
Well maybe she just bad at it. Im sure she getting better at her job now, im just unlucky.Im living because i cant die. It so hard to wake up every moring and force myself to be fully funtional adult when all i want to do is lay on my bed and not getting up. But being a zombie shut in kinda suffocating because without human contact, you just get more miserable and depressed. I know this Because during my first year at University i shut everyone out. I dont talk to anyone and being completely alone. When i started hearing voices in my head is the moment i start talking to other people. Because it scared the shit out of me. I wish i can be as carefree as a squirrels. Being human just to complicated because we think to much.
Ahm I'm confused. What's there relationship to be upset for? They're bestfriends right?????