I'm just gonna put this here anyway: I believe that domination isn't really love... All t...

Hey, It’s BDSM. People have different fetish and desire. It looks painful but some people get pleasure from pain. Those who enjoys BDSM are mostly masochist and sadistic. If you don’t like this kind of stuff then don’t read it then saying things afterward. You’re gonna get hate for that.

Then don’t read it and saying stuff afterwards*

I don’t know how it is for other people. But for me the thing is: if you love your partner and are in a monogamous relationship, and if you have a kink (no matter what it is, there’s so many), you’re gonna want to share it with them. That’s also love - trusting and sharing intimate things with your partner. And for those who do it, they need to be comfortable (either giving or taking), so there’s no discomfort, they take pleasure in it.
Of course you can separate love and sex, but you can do that in all circumstances, not just with bdsm. People who love each other might express themselves through it, people might fall in love with each other because of it and people can do it just for the sex, it’s not black and white, there’s a lot of scenarios. And of course, bdsm is not for everyone, if you don’t enjoy watching and experiencing it’s fine, it’s just not your cup of tea. But don’t say what’s love or what it’s not, because it’s different for everybody.

I didn't say I don't like it... did I? but now that I'm thinking about it... I do.
I don't know anyone who feels pleasure from pain... do you? If they do, they must be really... "special".

Let's talk about it in all logic first. What is pain? Pain is a message that our body sends us in order to inform us that "something" is dangerous or bad. exp: Babies that would go and touch fire. And it's even what permits us to survive in this world. exp: People with diabetes have a lot of risk of amputation, when not treated cuz they don't feel pain anymore.

Wait, what was I trying to say? Oh right, pain isn't something that's supposed to be pleasurable by nature. So all this doesn't seem very "natural".
And I assume all what I'm saying. :')) don't feel sorry for me

I'm not trying to shame people who do bdsm stuff and all... I mean I don't even care, I wouldn't treat them differently... but I hope what I'm saying here will let some people think about this subjet some more deeply. ^^

Even the webtoon's agreeing with me though. That seme wasn't born a masochist but became it... he said it himself :')))

I actually was very curious about it. Watching it is obviously very... arousing. ^^'
But I didn't say it wasn't, but I only stated the fact that I became uncomfortable with it when there are feeling involved.
So I was actually expecting more than just: "There are people like that. If you can't get it, you just can't." That's really dumb. (and don't tell me that's not "exactly" what I said, you brought a point, trust etc., but it still doesn't explain the core of the matter)
I was really interested in trying to understand.

Yeah but I think what the other two are saying, while (according to what you said) you might not get pleasure from pain, others do and it doesn’t make it any less of love and doesn’t make the person “special”, it’s just what they like.

No, that’s not what I said, that’s what you got from what I said. And I even said precisely that it’s not black and white and that are a lot of scenarios/circumstances that are involved. And I’m sorry, but from your comment I didn’t get the feeling that you we’re trying to find more about the subject.
I actually do bdsm with my boyfriend and I’m a switch (meaning I’m both masochist and sadist). If you’d like to ask some questions feel free to do so. But please don’t say that I’m “special” xD I’m just a normal person.
What do you want to understand? What makes you confused? How can you love someone and hit them? Is that it? - I’m trying to understand what you want to know.

Exactly (⌒▽⌒)

Yes, exactly. To hit a person you like... isn't it a bit contradictory? In that logic, inflicting pain to others should bring them pleasure...? "others" I'm not even speaking abou the person you love... :')

I'm really actually struggling with that. :')) I'm a medical student, I fainted the first time I saw someone get blood taken from them. I don't believe I'm afraid of blood, but seeing people feel physical pain, gives me a physiological shock every time. (meaning I faint it I don't go breathing some air)

Yeah... so I'm sorry if I sounded a bit... how did it even sound...? :p But, I was just dealing with my own emotions. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, really. I'm studying a lot of psychological stuff, medical and all... and it just didn't make sense to me... ^^

People face pain and stimulation in different ways. Our bodies aren’t the same and even more different are our thoughts and experiences.

For example, following what you said about the blood: since I was a baby I never had problems with needles or any medical act. Most doctors found it strange that I didn’t cry about it and when I was a kid I was just interested in why and how they did it (vaccines, taking blood for analysis and so on) and I’m still like that. I didn’t take pleasure in it, it’s a medical act and I was a kid xD but it didn’t bother me to the point of crying or complaining like most kids my age. But since then I also had medical acts that were very very painful and I was not interested and not feeling anything besides pain and I just wanted it to end. So...there’s different kinds of pain. Or at least there’s different type of ways of perceiving pain and different degrees of pain as well.

It’s the same in bdsm. There’s different degrees and ways of doing it. There are people who get off of any pain, other people get off of a very specific pain (in a certain place, done in a certain way) and there’s also people who like verbal abuse (mental pain?). So it’s a wide range, you can’t put everybody on the same boat. People tend to have very specific kinks (they usually request specific things to their partner, so we can’t generalize).

Now to the main point (sorry for deviating). About feelings and bdsm. When your partner asks you for something, if that behavior doesn’t make you uncomfortable and you’re able to do it, you’re giving them something they want and like, so there’s no need to feel bad about it. You’re making your partner happy. But you have to be happy and comfortable as well, otherwise it won’t work. You’re sharing feelings (you’re not just giving or taking). At least this is my experience. There are things my boyfriend isn’t comfortable doing to me or be done to him so we don’t do it. It either works for both or no deal. As all things when you’re on a relationship - communication is key. Talking about what you like, dislike, what are you able or not able to do for the other person is essential in order for everyone to be happy.

So in summary - it doesn’t feel bad, because they’re feeling good and you want them to be pleasured and happy. It’s not contradictory because you’re not hitting them in order to hurt them because you want (like assaulting them just because), it will hurt but it will hurt how they want and because they want - there’s a want and an objective specifically defined by the receptor.

For me it’s difficult to do something like this with someone I don’t have any feelings for. Since, at least for me, this is something that requires a lot of trust and understanding. Sex for me doesn’t work without communication and trust and that’s something you develop, it’s not immediate.

Now, if you ask me why I like pain or what made me like pain, I really can’t explain it. I consider myself kind of adventurous in bed, so I asked my boyfriend to try different things and I started to enjoy bdsm so I kept exploring it.
Might’ve been because of my personality, or maybe I handle pain differently (don’t think so), or other factors (there’s a lot to consider). But in the end the only thing I can tell you is that - it feels good (when done in a certain way, in a certain place, by certain people) xD.

You can study it, there’s been a lot of studies about it already, from the medical/psychological point of view.
But I guess it’s one of those things where if it’s not affecting anyone negatively, there’s no need to worry about it.

If your curious about it, read more about it and you can also talk to people who do it. There’s a bunch of documentaries on it as well. It’s a very interesting topic. And it’s definitely arousing xD but it’s also difficult to explain because it’s something very personal. And since it’s a taste, it’s not logical. Tastes aren’t always logical (actually they’re almost all illogical xD). Do you like sweets? Yes? Why? Cause it tastes good. It’s not logical, it’s what you feel about it.

And I can tell you even more for you to be even more curious/confused: I’m a law student, I know exactly what’s abuse, assault, different offenses related to beating someone up xD I know what and how they’re qualified and what are the consequences. Ive even had a class on forensics about autoerotic asfixiation (ahahahah the irony, right?) I learned quite a lot about not hitting someone and about someone hitting me. Soooo I shouldn’t want any of that, right? But the thing is - there’s consent and it feels good (⌒▽⌒). I get what I ask for, if I get or give something that I didn’t ask for that’s when there’s a problem (mentally, physically and legally).

I apologize for the long text ╮(￣▽￣)╭. Hope it helped somehow.

First thank you for taking your time and writing all this. It was very detailed and I learned a lot. Mainly about the trusting part and sharing.

It was a bit stupid for me to say this wasn't love cuz... it hasn't a fixed definition. So if I can't get it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
However, for me personally, I can't imagine myself doing it. My definition of love can't handle it. :')))) But who knows what the future is made of.

Btw, emotions are generally stemming from logic. Maybe, it's a bit hard to believe when you don't take your time analyzing them. But it's actually very logic.
About the sweets things... you know, when you wanna eat it, it's as is your body is asking for energy.
Most of the time, it's way more complex. But you can question everything you're feeling, and ultimately find and answer. Right, an answer, not the right answer, cuz it's not easy to do so.

Well I'm really happy we can talk about something so personal, and I know it's not easy to do so, and I really want to apologize if I was too harsh at the beginning, it wasn't my intension.

It’s interesting to analyze it and discover how and why things work how they work. Of course there’s always a scientific or psychological explanation for all the things that happen in our bodies. But most of us don’t really care about why and how it works, we’re more focused on the feeling and pleasure that it brings.
Nonetheless it might be important to ask yourself why and how sometimes, specially if you have any kind of problem with yourself or with your relationship (are you really doing it just because it’s pleasurable or is there something else negative hidden beneath the surface?). But if you’re ok with yourself and your partner, if everything’s fine, there’s no point in always questioning it, it’s a more “go with a flow” “do what makes you feel good” kind of a thing.

And it’s ok if you don’t understand how and why people are able to do it and it’s also ok if you’re not capable of doing it as well. Each person has their own expectations and notions about love and sex and also their own boundaries and limitations. What’s a reality for me might not be for you and vice versa, and that’s fine. I just wanted you to understand that there’s a lot of different kinds of ways to express love and to experience sex. And that it’s not so weird, at least from my point of view it doesn’t feel weird, but I can understand why other people might find it so.

If you’re really curious and one day you’re up for it, give it try. You don’t have to do a bunch of crazy things, you can start with small things and see how it feels. But if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t mind it ╮(￣▽￣)╭. It’s only good if your interested in it, if you’re not interested you’re not gonna lose anything by not trying it XD.

Sorry for the long text again, I’ll stop now xD I also apologize for not getting your intention in the first place. Thank you for reading and understanding my point.