Rule #1 that I live by: do not get into a relationship if you’re emotionally unavailable.
I was in the same exact situation as the uke. I was afraid of giving others my heart and the uncertain future. My mind constantly dwells on the worst-case scenario. Just like how the uke sleep around out of loneliness, I started dating a guy. Like the seme, he’s a sweet and gentle person. He’s too good, so good that I feel unworthy of him because I know I didn’t love him. I like him, but it wasn’t love. It wasn’t fair to him because he sincerely loved me. He probably realize it too and broke up with me. It’s been 4 years since and I never date again. Perhaps I subconsciously glorify his existence because I felt guilty, but I truly couldn’t find someone better than him. But even if I do find such a person, I wouldn’t start anything unless I sort out my inner demons. Hurting someone once is already enough. I would be a scum to put a second person in the same situation as my ex.
That’s why I don’t pity the uke because he hurt three people. He hurt the seme, his ex-sex partner, and his ex-wife. Why get into a relationship with the seme when you have no intention of trying to work things out? It’s okay to make a mistake, but it’s no longer okay once you made the same mistake over and over. Love, if done right, is a beautiful thing. Even if you don’t want it, there’s no need to trample over others’ sincerity. But that’s what the uke did. He trample over others’ love while sabotaging himself then turn around and say shit like “Whenever I wanted something badly, things never turned out well.”
People will probably tell me that I am getting too worked up over this or I need to chill because it’s just fiction. I know it’s fiction, but the uke’s behavior just triggers me. It’s like seeing a mirror of myself. I want to smack him, but I can’t so I’m here ranting instead.
Rule #1 that I live by: do not get into a relationship if you’re emotionally unavailable.
I was in the same exact situation as the uke. I was afraid of giving others my heart and the uncertain future. My mind constantly dwells on the worst-case scenario. Just like how the uke sleep around out of loneliness, I started dating a guy. Like the seme, he’s a sweet and gentle person. He’s too good, so good that I feel unworthy of him because I know I didn’t love him. I like him, but it wasn’t love. It wasn’t fair to him because he sincerely loved me. He probably realize it too and broke up with me. It’s been 4 years since and I never date again. Perhaps I subconsciously glorify his existence because I felt guilty, but I truly couldn’t find someone better than him. But even if I do find such a person, I wouldn’t start anything unless I sort out my inner demons. Hurting someone once is already enough. I would be a scum to put a second person in the same situation as my ex.
That’s why I don’t pity the uke because he hurt three people. He hurt the seme, his ex-sex partner, and his ex-wife. Why get into a relationship with the seme when you have no intention of trying to work things out? It’s okay to make a mistake, but it’s no longer okay once you made the same mistake over and over. Love, if done right, is a beautiful thing. Even if you don’t want it, there’s no need to trample over others’ sincerity. But that’s what the uke did. He trample over others’ love while sabotaging himself then turn around and say shit like “Whenever I wanted something badly, things never turned out well.”
People will probably tell me that I am getting too worked up over this or I need to chill because it’s just fiction. I know it’s fiction, but the uke’s behavior just triggers me. It’s like seeing a mirror of myself. I want to smack him, but I can’t so I’m here ranting instead.