Kinda spoiler my opinions

I have seen this in a lot of novels
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That ml treats the fl badly because he is being threatened and stuff but if you love someone and someone is treating you that they will kill/harm them if they don't treat them badly like cant you just tell your partner that and just pretend infront of everyone
If i was in their shoes and i got to know that i suffered all these years develop so much mental trauma because my partner wanted to "protect" me first of all that is very hypocritical and second of all i wont forgive them or hate them less because YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME stop trying to be the hero/victim when you aren't does these people don't know what communication is
It is very infuriating