i personally don’t like a psychological bl bec i tried and it traumatized me. but now i ...

i personally don’t like a psychological bl bec i tried and it traumatized me. but now i want to try it again so i’m looking for that bl story where mc was a convenience employee and he was kidnap and i remember the pen scene? i honestly don’t know but that’s the one i wanna try reading just to add more trauma tnx to anyone who can find it