I'm tired of the uke....maybe you should have waited until the ml is ready to open up... ...

When you’re in a relationship, yes it’s nice to wait for your partner to be ready to speak but if your partner makes an ask of you and won’t explain why, you can demand a reason. It’s not disrespectful to need an answer as to why this person is so bad. If your partner cannot answer, then there’s nothing you can do but they cannot enforce the rule if they won’t explain it. It’s like telling a kid “no juice after 6!” But not explaining to them that juice has sugar and will make them stay up past bedtime and tomorrow will come slower because of it. You need to explain things to people for them to understand and accept rules. He’s dense for the sleeping over drunk part but in this situation, he’s in the right for asking why.

so true, but it’s easier (on yourself) to keep in mind the ml provided no explanation to why he shouldn’t talk to that dude and that’s also unfair. mc is still a human too and isn’t getting any answers from his bf, to the point where he feels desperate enough to ask anyone who knows a bit of information on him. stonewalling (from the ml) is also an issue that is always overlooked by the overly caring partner

i get that but it’s completely disrespectful of you to go behind your partners back after they’ve expressed a boundary and do exactly why they’ve asked you not to. there are also times in which you SHOULDN’T need an explanation and this was one of them. UKE thought he knew better, disregarded his partners feelings and request and ended up in a compromising situation with the person his partner didn’t want him near. uke wasn’t OWED an explanation and seo shouldn’t feel forced to give him one. a simple “they make me uncomfortable” or “i don’t like them” should suffice, UKE doesn’t know this person WHY THE HELL would his judgement matter more than his partners opinion who has grown up with this person. he undermined his partner, disregarded his feelings and disrespected him all in one go. he’s toxic.

not only that, but they’re grown adults, not children. adults don’t need to have answers spelled out for them. uke realised the relationship was strained between them, heard his partners boundary and still chose to ignore it because he believed he had a better judgement of a person he didn’t know. secondly you can ask, but learn to be patient. you don’t ask an SA victim to just spout every little detail. you wait and be patient until they’re ready and comfortable, because this is THEIR experience and it’s THEIR feelings. not YOURS. you don’t force them to open up about something they aren’t ready to. you wait.

Yes he needs a reason. Boundary expressed doesn’t mean boundary enforced. Seo didn’t even say “my brother makes me uncomfortable” or anything. He just said “stay away from him”. You cannot force a rule with no explanation as to why the rule exists. This is his BROTHER. He needs to explain why his bf can’t meet his brother. It’s not toxic to demand explanation from whoever. He didn’t explain so he went to the brother for explanation. He didn’t undermine his partner or disregard him or disrespect him. He took his partners wishes on board but decided that he needed answers before blindly following his partners rules. That is also a form of boundaries. He needs a reason for a rule to be put in place. Both people set a boundary and neither followed the boundary. They need to compromise but neither can compromise because this is an issue of communication. One needs answers and the other holds answers. It’s just that simple. Disrespect or disregard or undermine would be knowing the reason and doing it anyway. He still doesn’t know so he’s free to do as he pleases because you can’t just make a rule and then not say why the rule exists. That’s not how communication works in any relationship let alone a romantic one. They communicated so well about the sex work thing but seo can’t communicate about his family? Not even a tiny bit to let the uke know about why he doesn’t like his brother? Even just a “he hurt me in a way and I’d rather not have you around him” would suffice but he didn’t say any of that.

Yea, you don’t ask an SA SURVIVOR to talk about their experience but that’s in ptsd territory. Seo has a strained relationship but this is his lover and his partner. He can talk to him and his partner has a right to know. He would have happily waited had this not been something that required a rule. When you bring rules into it, it’s very easy to step into a controlling and abusive relationship if each rule is blindly accepted. He’s not even forcing him to open up. He asked, didn’t get an answer so went to the other person involved to get an answer. When he found out that his bf didn’t like that, he asked his bf once again to talk to him but no. He just walked out on an important discussion. As adults, you can’t just leave every discussion that’s uncomfortable. You have to sit down and work it out. Uke has a need for answers and information that isn’t being met. Seme has a need for privacy from his brother that isn’t being met. They both have needs and you can’t say one is more important than the other. I survived SA and have ptsd yet I would NEVER withhold information that involved the other person. If they are being dragged into my mess and my drama, they have a right to know what the drama and mess is about. Don’t drag people into things you want kept secret. Also withholding important information is called lying by omission. This is important information. He has a right to know and he has a right to find out in any way he can.

he asked him to do something that made him uncomfortable, you don’t force others to open up about something they’re not ready to partner or not, family or not. it takes time and uke never gave him that he just took the first opportunity to dig into his significant others life without permission and without consent. you don’t do that. if it threatened your safety and wellbeing THAT is understandable but that was, very clearly to him, not the case. and again who is he to judge whether a person, he’s never interacted with before would give the honest truth over his partner? personally i’d trust my partner over someone who made them clearly uncomfortable and again it shouldn’t take someone spelling it out to very clearly see your partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t trust them. he DIDNT give him time and he very clearly WOULDNT have if he overstepped his boundaries like that so quickly. seo didn’t even say “no” to answering what was the issue he didn’t say he’d never tell him, he wasn’t ready to yet. he wasn’t ready and now he’s been blamed for his partners inability to accept that. just because they’re you’re the partner doesn’t mean you are owed details into something that’s greatly affected them. I was SA’d but my partner asked questions and accepted that i couldn’t and wasn’t prepared to answer. i wasn’t comfortable sharing those details at all. he waited until i was ready to do so. you be patient, you don’t dig aroufn for answers especially from someone to ur partner doesn’t trust or doesn’t like just to satisfy you’re curiosity. not only that, he wasn’t seeking answers to the situation. it was briefly mentioned but that wasn’t the goal uke was after. he just wanted to invade his partners privacy for his own self satisfaction. and now he wants to play little miss mediator bc he thinks he can fix whatever issues they have without even knowing what the problem is and without his partners knowledge. he’s broken trust, he’s disregarded his partners feelings and he’s disrespected him. simple as that.

also let’s not act like him asking what the situation was and why he can’t meet him wasn’t within the last 24hrs of each other. so much for you saying he would’ve given him time. he most definitely wouldn’t have regardless of if he set that boundary or not. if seo had just said “i don’t like him” rather than telling him he can’t meet him, he still would’ve gone to his brother to find out rather than waiting to hear his partner talk about it. his only interest was hearing about his partners past rather than his partners feelings.

to put this nicely, i think u are projecting a bit onto this character. i get what youre trying to say and this does happen! but some of your statements are the way you interpret his actions personally, outside of the manga, rather than viewing his action as a singular event. he made a mistake and so did the bf. the attitude of “you don’t owe your partner this” when it comes to a core part of the relationship (basic understanding of their background, not asking about trauma) is an excuse to be avoidant rather than confrontational about the uncomfortable issues at hand. instead of being clear, the bf only said “stop talking about him” and every time the mc brought it up, they just had sex? having your partner read between the lines isn’t fair at all, and is actually breaking a boundary that requires them to communicate. im not simplifying what either of them did but being curious about your partner is normal, especially when their so adamant about hiding their past. you made valid points, but imo it doesn’t apply to this singular event where his only family offered him surface level information and the brother was the one who seeked out the mc. he wasn’t delving into private secrets, and was only curious about who is boyfriend was to other a family member

what the bf should’ve done is clearly stated his intentions and their purpose, rather than being vague by only demanding mc to not speak to his brother. like this isn’t some toxic, “im doing this for self satisfaction”, “ i don’t respect you”, “i step over your feelings behavior, mc took the bait the brother held over him because he’s too involved to reject an offer gets him closer to knowing who his bf is

Exactly. A healthy relationship is one that communicates and meets in the middle sometimes. It’s not disrespectful to say no to something asked and it’s not disrespectful to question rules made without any context. If there was a rule that said “you can’t talk to your friends” with no context, everyone would assume isolation and abuse tactics. This is the same thing but with the Semes brother instead of ukes friends and yet this person thinks that’s okay? It’s not okay. It might not be borderline isolation and abuse but it certainly is controlling to create a rule and expect no one to question it. It’s very narcissistic to think that you can do as you please and no one gets to question you and everyone has to wait for you to be ready to offer up that information. Also I’m personally offended by the person bringing up SA survivors when this and that aren’t even close to the same issue. PTSD isn’t something that people can just so easily open up about because the brain still can’t process what happened so you’ll be thrust back into the event that caused it. You’d reintroduce the trauma and set the person back. Asking someone to explain why they created a rule about a certain thing is not going to set people back into their trauma. He’s not asking for the full history of the brother right? He’s asking for why the rule exists. That’s fair. I agree with you that that person was projecting. Somehow someway they think it’s okay to assume that no one has any right to ask any questions or hold anyone accountable for their actions by questioning it. And that’s not okay.

preach