Responses
That's how I feel these days too. It's difficult when you have strong feelings against rape, but can appreciate (not necessarily enjoy but ya know see without immediate distate) a type of media that uses rape as a device so freely （￣へ￣）
Spot on
The first time I tried reading this years ago, I dropped it because of the rape - the FIRST instance where Asaichi rapes Yoru while thinking he's a girl, not the one you're thinking about (although this is technically not even the first instance, considering what they did to the girls...). So the fact that I was able to get through it this time with no issue and power through the later brutality shows just how desensitized I've become. I still hate it, but I don't really experience a visceral reaction anymore.
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it increases the amount of BL I can read, considering how rampant rape and sexual assault are within the genre. On the other hand, I consider having strong feelings around rape to be a good thing, even when it's fictional, so I don't enjoy this newfound lack of emotion. It almost feels antithetical to who I am as a person. I have had strong feelings about rape since I discovered this genre, and it feels like I'm betraying my own values by not feeling my emotions to the same degree, even if this isn't within my conscious control.