That she refuses to think of herself and that everything she is doing is for Kael but also just truely excepting herself and his wife that will die soon but Kael will be alive and she doesn't seem to understand that he will more then likely kill himself if she dies?
In a way, she still viewed everyone as characters in a book rather than real people. Kinda like, "Even if I die, everything will be fine as long as Kael is alive and Diana falls from grace."
Fr
Maybe that's her way to cope with everything? Same with clinging to Cael as her only reason for being alive and not thinking of anything else. She is avoiding reality and her trauma from seeing him die plus also dying and suffering in a strange world herself. Maybe it feels like if she stops doing what she's doing she'll break. Not only did she suffer a lot in her second life, she is also stuck in a world she doesn't belong in and has been separated from her family and from anyone who knows who she really is. Everything that made her who she was irl is now gone and the only thing she has left to cling to her irl self is Cael.
Maybe it's because if she thinks of herself, she'll have to face the harsh reality that she's been avoiding along with all those feelings she's been keeping in and might break from it. She has ptsd and depression from everything she's been through in that new world. It must be difficult to accept such a place as your new reality without feeling like you're abandoning your true self and betraying your loved ones.
Me personally, its how much she hates diana but doesn’t know how to tell helios to screw off who imo isn’t much better than his wife
highkey tho thats the crown prince she cant just say whatever she wants lol i think what she alr said so far was alr teethering on the line of dangerous & at the end of the day ahe hates him just as much but diana more bc she was mostly the reason why kael killed himself bc it was her decision and her bullshit ass i want my cake and eat it too attitude that got them in that fucked up situation in the first place. not that helios isnt guilty too but diana is def the bigger culprit imo
She even gave Diana a chance to really repent and apologize, to instead focus on her marriage with the cp. She gave her a chance and that would've stopped our girls revenge plan. She also didn't hate Diana at the start as much but she's been the one who just keeps digging her hole deeper. The cp sincerely apologized and realized his mistakes and accepted the consequences for the most part. He is growing but Diana having God complex and keeps attacking our MC as well, even wanting her dead.
Also she has sort of told him to screw off lol when he caused Cael to hurt himself. She also has been telling him his wrongdoings in his face. She can't do as much tho because he is the cp. Tho she has gotten him to see his mistakes and sincerely apologized, an option she gave Diana but she refused it. Diana has some sort of God complex and has also gone against Hes, even going as far as wanting her dead... so yeah the hate for Diana being bigger is understandable.
You also have to remember that Hestia knows how much Cael treasures his nation, thats his home, so despite her dislike, she draws the line at actively doing harm to the nation. The crown prince is just that, the prince who will replace the emperor who Hestia knows will die soon. If she beats down the prince so much he becomes useless, then the nation, Cael, and all the people she's come to treasure will suffer. Honestly she's accomplished more than just getting a sincere apology. She's made the cp take responsibility for the work he previously left to Cael and take his duty as the prince more seriously (even at the detriment to his relationship with Diana). On the other hand she's also providing more and better care to the people of her domain that were previously basically being extorted by the church. The church needs to change, but both them and Diana refuse to properly look at the people they're affecting, they truly don't care about anyone but themselves. Diana with her god complex, and the temple with their greed.
There's something I don't like about the FL (Hestia) but I don't know what is it