it's mind break
Haruki knows that he cannot kill his brother hikaru. He still loves his brother. The amount of sex is because his body is starting to want it more while in his mind he does not. That is why Haruki insists on breaking everything. He wants everything to disappear because he cannot take it any longer. He feels that he is losing himself ( going crazy) and had wanted to end this twisted relationship by killing hikaru but he could not bear to do this act. So in order to end everything, Haruki decides to commit suicide. He is just tired of everything... And this made me cry
This is a good explanation i feel for haruki san he got psychologically messed up by his brother
He got broken. Mind break. DAmage. Depression plus despair plus pressures and isolation. The threats. The abandonments. The family he can't be honest with.
Hikari broke Haruki.
No, not ok. At all, trauma is what happened. Of course we are blaming hikaru, there is no one else to blame. Especially not the victim.
Yuiseru, short version: he wants to kill Hikaru but Haruki isn't a murderer, so he commits suicide. And yes, he did seduce him, but Haruki is complicated and broken, and shouldn't be judged by his actions RIGHT BEFORE HE COMMITTED MURDER/SUICIDE BECAUSE OF PROLONGED RAPE.
If you need more of an explanation of what might be going on with Haruki, read on: Seducing Hikaru could have been about reclaiming power or about getting Hikaru off-guard to make killing him easier. For some people it is much easier to hurt themselves than hurt others, even in self defense or motivated homocide. For Haruki, it looks like it was easier to commit suicide than kill Hikaru, easier especially to overdose on sleeping pills, where he could drift off without dealing with his emotions. From some of the internal monologue, it sounds like he really did intend to kill Hikaru, he made it as easy as possible, but also recognized he subconsciously had left himself a backup plan in case he couldn't go through with it: he had enough pills to overdose himself, an amount that he couldn't realistically expect to sneak into Hikaru. In a way, suicide is his last autonomous act, his final defiant revenge against Hikaru. If Hikaru loves him, losing him will hurt the most. And like anorexia or cutting, his own death was something he had control over. But ultimately, it removes Haruki from the pain, confusion, guilt and hatred swirling inside him. He was numb for a bit, and it looks like he wasn't sure if he liked being able to feel again, or if it scared him more. There was also an element of giving himself permission to feel good, which might have given him the strength to commit murder/suicide. Like how some people on antidepressants finally feel strong enough to commit suicide.
I feel classic yaoi mind break tends follow a resignation>acceptance>enjoyment>love path, which works well on the fantasy fetishes folks tend to like. But this mind break deviated, and it felt more real, and messed up and confusing and genuine. Totally earned its psych/drama/trauma tags.
Because they are out in the middle of nowhere, off the path, in winter, I'm not sure they will be discovered or that Hikaru woke in time to get Haruki's stomach pumped and hospitalized to handle the overdose. I think Haruki was counting on Hikaru's dose to keep him out long enough that he couldn't prevent the suicide attempt. Good planning, sad victory.
Really wish any of the other characters recognized the warning signs and got Haruki the help he needed, and hospitalized Hikaru for his serious issues. He is so beyond the usual inconsiderate asshole, and I'm so beyond pissed off. I cannot articulate how far divorced this story is from a romance. Between rape, blackmail, and causing his mother to nearly miscarriage, that boy does not deserve a happy ending with the MC. With the MC well and truly broken, the only fair ending is one of them winds up dead.
That said, personally I feel suicide is worse than motivated homocide. Really wish it had gone the other way around, but I recognize Haruki couldn't murder someone, even someone so deserving.
Hope this explanation helped.
Now I'm off to read something light, cheesy and sweet. Balance my reading.
I agree with this so much such a good explanation
omg... this is heartbreaking. this manga really goes deep. ahhh thank you so much for the reply (=・ω・=)
i agree ╥﹏╥
sorry i didnt mean by the title that it's ok, with the question mark. it's just a way of implying that i was merely confuse. i'm not pointing fingers and is no way okay with the things hikaru did.
ah yess! this helps a lot. thank you so much for this, i wish i could like your reply （/TДT)/ i didnt read much into it so i was just confuse at the sudden change in character, it didnt hit me quite as hard. thank you so much for this again, it cleared up a lot of things for me
everyone is blaming hikaru and yes, i do admit that he is wrong for raping haruki in the first place but like right now, haruki is the one that's willing to have sex with him and i'm kinda confused... he just wants to kill hikaru right? he had so many chances to do so and it took him like... idk... how many amount times of sex and he still couldnt do it? and you can see that at a few parts in C15 that haruki is the one seducing hikaru to do with him so i dont really get it? (yes, raping is still wrong, i know)
edit: thank you to @Asexual Jane for her reply, it cleared up a lot of things for me. and just on a side note, the title "ok?" does not imply me agreeing with what hikaru does, it has nothing to do with it. i was merely confuse and put it as an "ok?" because of confusion. i was not hating on haruki nor was i taking sides, i was merely confuse and needed some answers. thank you so much for the replies, it helped!