Even though TJ is obviously the one at fault for the state of their relationship, Ian is a...

Yeah they both contribute but people only putting the blame on Ian for some reason.

Ian didn’t have a family and was abused his whole life, TJ had the chance to have a family and he fucked it up. Ian following TJ and never leaving his side is annoying, but I don’t blame him when his whole life he has never had anyone besides TJ.

First kiss, first sex, first love. First family. Ian shouldn’t even have to maintain their relationship, and I do think he tried but who’s the one that had left him by himself time to time? It wasn’t Ian. He craved someone by his side, so he would sleep with another whole TJ was away.

It’s TJ that was away. There is still micro blaming Ian here. Even now in the recent chapters, despite how shitty TJ has been, he has tried to make things better but who’s the one wanting to go back to how things were? TJ.

So I will never understand the “regardless of how bad TJ IS” (not was, he still IS), there should never be a regardless, TJ is THE shit and there’s no regards for him.

It’s not Ian’s obligation to save their relationship. A relationship takes two and the one that kept putting a hold on their relationship was not him. It’s all in the story.

Yea and i totally agree on what you are saying.

****Also I used past tense (was instead of is) because the reason behind this situation is from the past 20 years.

But Ian's behavior was toxic for the relationship too. Because he was unhappy and he gave up on his happiness, and thats toxic for the relationship.

If my life is miserable because of my lover but i stay with him for 20 years without putting clear boundaries to ensure my hapiness. Then i am also responsable for my own misery.

That’s true but I don’t believe he gave up. And I don’t get the focus on Ian when the other party made it worse for their relationship. And you mentioned how he didn’t save THEIR relationship. It’s not all on him.

Well he kind of did give up as in he never confronted TJ properly until now and just accepted everything even though it would break him.

My commrnt did focus on Ian because I already thrashed TJ in previous comments and at this point it shouldnt be a debate just how bad he is.
And I did start my comment saying TJ was obviously the one at fault.

Its obviously not Ian's responsibility alone to save their relationship, which is why I said he is ALSO responsible for how bad it got (as in there was someone else responsible aka TJ).

And its not like Ian did anything "bad" in their relationship, but he contributed to the toxicity of the relationship by enabling TJ to act like that without proper consequences.

He did try to talk with TJ. And, it’s not possible for Ian to reach out to someone who closes off and goes away to places. It’s not his job. TJ doesn't do it either, so why the focus on Ian.

No matter what I will always see TJ as the shitty one that doesn’t deserve Ian. It’s not like Ian told him to do those things or put himself in such environment. May I remind you that TJ has had chances to redeem self many times, overly selfish now, and his foster situation which he overlooked.

I think I get your point now, that Ian also just became codependent and let things be, enabling it. I AGREE, don’t get me wrong. However I will never put Ian at the same level as TJ because all this time the one actively trying to label their relationship has been Ian.

It’s not like Ian can do anything to TJ. TJ is the one not listening and walking away. TJ is a grown man, Ian can’t command him. Do you really believe TJ has properly listened to Ian? If he had, TJ wouldn’t be asking to go back to how things were.

And if TJ really cared, he wouldn’t threaten to break his other leg if it could make things go his way (iirc he did threaten Ian with how he will), and it just shows he does not listen. How can Ian change someone like that? That’s expecting too much. That’s like asking an abused victim to stand up to their abuser, and expecting them to be cowardless.