If I could start over in a clean slate [...]

[...] I want to be loved in full.

This was a really nice line because if you think about it, 1st Sejin's dying wishes never actually came true. 2nd Sejin's supposed 'clean slate 2nd life' was where he was loved with heavy guilt instead of a whole, unadulterated, and sincere love.

I'm not demeaning Ido's desperate attempts to overwrite his wrongs, but it's definitely difficult to look at it objectively and believe he had done everything from the goodness of his heart. Yes, it was love, but his guilt and repentance weighed even heavier. The fact he is so scared of handling 2nd Sejin, the fact he could easily break their engagement and 'let him go', he acted so evidently on his guilt that it created a deep and vast empty distance between him and 2nd Sejin.

Ido is so obsessed on perfecting the miraculous second chance that he completely overlooks the natural development of feelings between the new him and 2nd Sejin. I'm going to pull 2nd Sejin's words before the bonding wherein he felt "like a pet". Because it's true to an extent.

Ido clothed, sheltered, and developed 2nd Sejin to how he is now. Spoiled, pampered, and well-guarded. Ido was practically cherry-pickigng what was good and what wasn't in 2nd Sejin's life, leaving 2nd Sejin inadvertently reliant on Idi. And, honestly, the way I do acted is pretty much how an owner acts when their first pet dies from a traumatic cause. You become so protective of your new pet you do everything to prevent them from the tragic event last time because enay death that isn't of terminal illness or of old age is something you more often than not obsess over in justifying.

Sure, Sejin's decision to push through is ultimately his own, but the emotional weight, the opportunity, the responsibility, and expectations was always subjected to him by someone else, always Ido. Again, Ido overlooked the most important aspect: emotions. Because he keeps chasing after the so-called "Happy Ending" in other words, the lifetime where Sejin doesn't kill himself.

I think at this point, we might probably see Ido's perspective on matters now and the so-called chasing arc? Because from how I see it, Sejin is pretty much trying to assemble two very similar puzzle pieces on an already made puzzle board. He's trying to weave his memories into one and ensure that his reality isn't messed up. I don't think it's going to be easy either. Sure that the 2nd Sejin now is more emotionally and psychologically sheltered and well enough to be capable of analyzing and digesting the 1st Sejin's memories, but I don't think any human being can actually stay normal after being shot with years worth of memories and abuse in just a matter of hours.

2nd Sejin will need the time off to sort his feelings. If he really loves Ido, if the memories of his 1st life would even change the feelings he has now, and trying all sorts of introspection to draw the line between his feelings now and the past. On the other hand, Ido will probably understand even further how he has jumped over multiple steps that has caused his own anxieties, insecurities, and the severance of their relationship again.

I really can't want to see more of Ido's perspective. I really want to know how he sort of descended I fo guilt after he force-bonded with Sejin in the first life. And him having to retrace all that guilt and anxiety and find a way to come in terms to it now that Sejin has recalled everything. Because, in my opinion, the more he holds onto that guilt, the more that his so-called acts of affection and service become more of his attempts for self-preservation and repentance. He wants to do good because ehe had done so wrong back then, not inherently that he wants to do good to make his partner feel good or for both of them to feel good. He's still stuck in the past, still stuck in easing the pain, still stuck in finding a way to relieve himself off this living nightmare. There is no other better way to save yourself that having to come face to face to the nightmare itself.

And this is the best way: facing Sejin, in his truest and rawest emotions and memories, once again. Maybe as well this time, Sejin's dying wish to be loved in full can finally be fulfilled now.

Anyways! I think I can marinate again for a while so that binging the chasing arc is super worth it.