Being closer to Sol basically means being closer to himself for Ian, because things associated with him are all related to Ian’s true self and true values in life (the magic inside him, the ideal country they wanted to build together). Every step Ian takes to Sol brings him closer to (being) Brian. The thing he is missing that I was talking about is purpose in life. In Derwin he clearly had none, he was a tool serving cardinal in order to pay off the debt he thinks he owns for “kindness”. It is fascinating how Brian was the one teaching Sol about diplomacy and how things shouldn’t be resolved with brutal force in order to achieve greater things (even good ones) and then the story literally starts with Ian killing the noble (using brutal force) for cardinal ideas (for greater things). If you pay attention to phrasing, he says “there’s no place for people like you in the world HE is building”, while whole story about Arcaia was about “the world WE are building”. There is this idea about “greater things” and “helping people” too, but it’s just a drop of truth in the ocean of lies and while Ian leans to this idea, he clearly can not reciprocate fully and his hand was shaking after the kill. In the flashback Sol states that Brian/Ian’s extraordinary magic abilities were given to him to serve his greater will/purpose in life. And right now all this blocked power is damaging his body without a way out thanks to you know who. What I am trying to say is, the reason why Ian can’t inherit the memories from his previous life is because he is far too gone from his origin both mentally (without clear vision on life) and physically (by being raised in Derwin and feeling obligated). And this is why Sol chooses to damage their relationship but postpone telling the truth.
Let’s say, Brian’s memories represent few things — the truth about Lorkan and the personality with a strong will (along with left powers). Right now those things will just shatter Ian’s world (without the truth) and current personality (without a strong will). And in order to fuse with them he has to get a grip of these two things by himself first. You should find a thread first if you want to get to the tangle kind of thing. Current Ian’s biggest problem is his inability to make a choice between his mind that tells him to be obligated and his heart that leads him to truth. This is also the reason why he (unlike Brian) can’t set clear boundaries with cardinal.
This is the way he was nurtured. Derwin as a nation was literally created for Ian to be hated the moment he was born with extraordinary magic abilities. It was cultivated for centuries so Ian can hate himself enough too. He was hated as a child, he was detested as an adult by a crowd throwing rocks at him. It was always about his whole existence and the things he couldn’t change about himself. The same things he was praised and seen as a hero in Arcaia.
Derwin is built on fear of the law, their core legend/idea is about serving one God who is also a source of fear of divine punishment (because of the “cursed”people). Arcaia at the same time is built on respecting the law and a legend of two people loving each other, their “God” is sitting on the throne instead of flying in the space, his great strength is a source of admiration and a proof of safety, Arcaia’s people respect him and serve him out of gratitude, not fear. The country is clearly idealized, but it serves a great purpose within the story. Arcaia is green, bright and sunny compared to Derwin. People can move as they wish, they can choose their lives, no one is repressed for who they are. In Derwin you are bound to the place you were born in (probably so cardinal wouldn’t have to search the same area twice for reborn Brian). Remember about the «bird who can fly but choose to fold its wings”? It can’t. And this is Lorkan’s personal tragedy — he can’t archive the thing he wants most. He can’t put a bird in a cage without breaking its legs. The cage door is open, but only handmade desert lies ahead. You can fly away, but what for? Between death and life in constant deprivation the bird chooses the later, but this is not a true choice, the whole Derwin is about this. Each time “the cage” is getting smaller for Ian until he ends up in the basement probably. Lorkan would kill every person if it would mean Ian talking only to him. I saw people talking how Lorkan sees Ian as his pet, but it’s not it. He is not even a pet to him, more like an object, a robotic doll that act accordingly. The thing? It is not that he wants truly, but he can’t win an equalized choice between Sol and him, nor can he truly understand it. Simply, he is just a child who wants what he saw his brother having, but the best he can do is grasp the picture of it. Even given the same person, he ends up with the lifeless shell of it. It was sad to read the flashback (for a lot of reasons) and see how bright, strong-willed, motivated and leading Brian was. Ian is just sad and confused for majority of time with occasional happiness (as well as past life’s memories in his dreams) leaking through when he is with Sol. But he still has the same qualities, values and personal traits, so I think he can (and he should) go back to his true self eventually. Lorkan is unable to feel any kind of sympathy towards other beings. It is, like, set in stone in his personality. He is an engineer, he operates through calculations, mind decisions. I wondered why he, as the creator of worlds, couldn’t create a world (just like his mother did) and fill it with people like Brian to serve himself only. And then I realized that he is just unable. Despite his great godlike strength, the bond between Brian and Sol is beyond his understanding, and this why he can’t recreate it — both on space level and on earth with Ian — he can’t understand human emotions and feelings. That’s why he can only rip it out from Sol and Brian. He thinks he succeeded, but he only got a distorted picture of it. Brian was Sol’s knight, Lorkan made him his knight; they created Arcaia, Lorkan made Derwin for them. But if you look closer, the sides are turned and initial initiative is lost.
Brian chose to become a knight out of loyalty and desire to protect and be closer, Ian kissed “Jack” first to convey his feelings before they depart, Ian chose to hurt himself to protect “Jack”; Ian was made a knight out of obligation, Ian was kissed by Lorkan forcefully, Ian was being hurt by Lorkan his whole life. Sol is always giving a choice and asking for consent throughout the story, because his motivation is the other person’s wellbeing. Lorkan never cared about anything or anyone aside from himself and his own wellbeing. Sol chose to descent to live by humans’ rules, Lorkan is constantly getting against the nature of things, trying to bend human world’s order for his satisfaction. It’s all about “give-and-take”, equal efforts. Sol always seek equal footing with Brian, offering to rule the country together, make a covenant (literally “what’s mine is yours” kind of thing). Arcaia as a country is based on it. People are willing to help and share on every step, be kind even to strangers. Ian himself says that everything here reminds him of Sol and the way he treats him, but they built it together, the love Sol is showing him is the same love he once taught him. Lorkan, just as Derwin, seeks subordination, where Ian as a knight serves him the same way Derwin’s people serve their goddess. He is willing to give nothing, he is only taking taking taking. He can’t wrap his head around why Ian is choosing Sol again. And when he sees Ian being all flushy about sleeping with Sol, he thinks that the only thing missing is them having sex too. He is his knight now, but it’s not enough to make him stay. Lorkan is unable to give him any kind of honest feelings even more so love, because love seeks comparison, empathy and can’t stand egoism. Lorkan is driven by obsession, an ego’s desire to possess, while love comes from desire to give and share. Love is the power of creation. Mother Dragon created her “blooming garden” and gave her people eternal souls out of love, she fell for human man and gave birth to their sons, Brian and Sol created Arcaia together so their love can reach each other. Lorkan fails to understand this and therefore to love/socreate, he is only capable of corrupting things made by others.
When I said that Lorkan is unable to feel any empathy, I meant it. He never even once showed remorse about people’s destinies he is destroying. Brian asked Sol not to seek revenge and not to drown in anger, “because it is for me to bear”, and I honestly think he deserves to be the one taking revenge. Maybe this is the reason Sol allows Lorkan, a mere human now, to wander on planet. He may be a cardinal now, but he stayed on this planet for 900 years, I don’t think it was that hard to find him before he got political influence. Sol lost a loved one, but (Br)Ian was harassed, kidnapped, tortured, killed, then tormented both mentally and physically, groomed, lied to, the list is long trust me. I wonder why Mother Dragon intervened only after Brian was forced to jumping off a cliff, while she reacted immediately after Sol had only a thought about wanting a position in human world. Was she not watching, did she not care enough to stop him, had a greater teaching plan ahead, but in the end he did not even get a proper punishment and end up on earth just as he wanted to. I was heartbroken when I saw small innocent (Br)Ian getting in his hands just after the scene of his painful heart wrecking death BECAUSE OF HIM. If his mom arrived even a minute before, the story would took a complete turn, but in the end the bad guy just got a playground. Someone said “but it was 900 years ago, he could change”, but I can hardly believe it, if the way he treated Ian his whole life is not enough, just look at his current agenda. He is planning to steal the sword with Brian’s memories (so he won’t remember his doings) and powers (so he won’t be able to protect Sol), he is collecting mana to destroy the covenant/kill Sol (probably both). Ian is in love, obviously, he says so himself and clearly shows it to others. What is Lorkan planning for him? To start a war with Arcaia (the land Brian built and Ian feels at ease in), to kill Sol (the person he loves), destroy the sword/covenant/literally everything Ian can hold dear feelings for. The sword part is actually killing me the most. Yeah, Ian can live happily and learn the truth without experiencing it, but Brian deserves avenge. The memories he shares with Sol, his love for him, his unfulfilled dreams and promises for the next life made on deathbed, his pain, his struggle, his hope to see his loved one again, they will all die with this sword. All he wanted was to love and to be loved. And now Lorkan is just stomping (if not dancing) on his grave, THE person he wanted to have to himself is being destroyed by him through body (the north scene), mind (Ian’s life) and memories/soul part (sword).
This is Lorkan’s tragedy, he is destroying everything he wants to keep. Ian was really going to die on the road after being expelled, now he still might die because of all pent up magic inside him. Lorkan was the one to kill him in past life and I doubt he will be able to grief him in this one as a human being and not as a lost toy. He had 9 centuries to learn about humans and to change, but he did not? And if nearly the thousand years was not enough, I don’t think it’s a matter a simple “talk with mc” can fix. I can see how every character deserves some kind of development, but as I stated before, Lorkan’s problems lay much deeper than just his jealousy. Not to tell, he DESERVES to be punished properly for his sins. Personally, I would like him be buried in the backyard, it is hard to expect to see “road to salvation” plot line for him after the majority of the is just him doing shit. Unfortunately, getting rid of his obsession with Ian seems impossible even after another thousand of years, and I don’t want to see his reasons being validated.
I just hope that Ian wouldn’t go back to Derwin for his map to prove Sol’s innocence, because he will have to face Lorkan’s obsession getting twistier and twistier and with Ian’s inability to set clear boundaries… He is clearly uncomfortable about this affection, but Lorkan is just indifferent as usual. He doesn’t mind the ways, he just wants the results. Ian has to let go of his feeling of obligation in order to see the whole picture clearly and finally see his “savior” for who he is. I hope he will be able to do so soon and wouldn’t have to go back to Derwin to see the contrast.
Also, it may be farfetched, but I thought that even the name “Derwin” is just a rip-off of their surnames Der(th)+Win(kler). The guy is just as original as usual…
In the end, I think the story is mostly about the idea that no matter how much you try to control the mind, you can’t control the heart. You may twist person’s way of thinking, corrupt their view on themselves, break their will, but no matter how much you try, you can’t control people’s feelings. The heart simply wants what it wants and nurture will never overcome nature. Ian chooses memories about his short time with Sol over years he shared with cardinal, because mind can be fooled, but the heart sees clear. Even drown in lies, human nature will seek for the truth.
you get an A+ this is great (▰˘◡˘▰)
So… it took me some time to realize that even Ian’s name comes from (Br)Ian. He is literally a part of himself and his soul. And the reason a lot of people can’t wrap their head around them being the same person is because a part of him is still missing and I’m not talking only about his previous life’s memories. While I see decent amount of people waving to Ian/Lorkan in recent chapters, I decided to write my little essay on those things and why it can’t happen.
So, I think a lot of people got the impression that this is not a regular love triangle story with “I have feelings for both, who should I choose”, because Cardinal is not that interested in having romantic relationship with Ian (we’ll talk about it later) and Brian/Ian clearly has no romantic swings towards him either. The story itself is build around two opposite ideas, old as the time: mind vs heart, desire vs duty, etc. Lorkan and Sol clearly represent these ideas along with things around them. Sol is about magic, Arcaia, free choice, honesty, consent and all the good things. Lorkan is about order, Derwin, duty, “curse” and everything relatively bad. I think the most important part is how Ian feels about interacting with those things. If you go back to beginning of the story, you’ll notice how everything in Derwin is gray, lifeless, corrupted and based on lies. And more importantly, how unhappy Ian is in this world built for him (the whole Derwin is literally a cage Lorkan made for his “bird”). The fact that Ian oversleeps every single day, disrespects his knight’s duties occasionally is not only about his night agenda but also about how much he is depressed, lost and confused about his life. “People who are dissatisfied with their current lives (…) and I was one of those people”. While he is with Sol, he feels comfort, safety, being seen and understood, he finds peace within his presence and his mana (while Lorkan’s is suffocating). Being around Sol is like enjoying sun laying on the lawn, it is warm and fulfilling. Cardinal presence is more like desperately reaching to a lantern in the dark — it is the only source of light within darkness, it reminds you of the sun, but you end up bumping into cold glass casket hurting yourself.