So the psychiatrist's suggestion on making a decision got me thinking about something... sorry I'm venting my own problem here.. So, I'm a female have been in relationship with someone since 2016.. at the start of our relationship we decided that we'll get settled together in his state (we belong to 2 different states) where he promised to clear a certain government job.. for which i initially aimed for at my state.. as we thought of getting settled together i gave up on that and took up temporary jobs.. in the mean time he met my parents promised them that he'll get that job he tried for 3 times (last attempt he was not serious) in the span of 5years and he wanted to do something else and started working in a private job... at the same time when he was giving his last attempt..I thought I should try for the same job in my state as I felt it is going no where as my parents wanted stability.. when I started preparing.. exam was near and I cleared preliminary exam and the mains I couldn't clear but I was confident that if i try once more I can do better and can clear it as I have certain advantage of women and we have reservation for the same.. their parents came to know about us recently.. his mom had an idea but she was neutral she didn't agree nor disagree about our relationship... later after his last attempt she talked to me and accepted our relationship and his father also agreed.. when I was giving my first attempt they didn't oppose...(as they felt i couldn't clat it) now I'm thinking of writing the exam again they are completely opposing including my boyfriend, saying if you get a job in your state it will be difficult for us to get settled.. it will be long distance and marriage won't work that way when I didn't agree he compromised to an extent that if I get this job at later point of time if he earns well or do well i should quit this job because marriage, children, family don't work that way.. when I suggested he shift here if i get a job he didn't agree and he and his parents have given me an ultimatum that if i want to get married to him that I stop thinking about getting settled anywhere but his place(state) Which i and my parents didn't agree and he keeps pestering me that..am i not important to you.. you promised to get settled with me and how heartless you are.. that infact i should clear the exam in his state as it will be easy to be together (it will be tough for me in his state as I have language problem i can communicate well in that language but I not so good at it to compete in the exam)..I know the decision i made now of not compromising with him is right but a part of me is still whether I am being heartless and deciding to end almost 10years relationship just like that... I'm happy my parents are supporting me in anything I choose but the promise I made to him at the start of my relationship has become an obligation and it's not only about the job but my independence and respect... his mother, if we get married have to live together had not at all been supportive or understanding of me in so many ways..I know I am right..he is not a bad person in so many other aspect... and I still think is this the reason for this relationship to end.. just like that..
May I suggest to you The Sumflower podcast...it's mind opening to understand a lot about how men think, and tricks to survive and protect oneself as a woman in this world. Jossner973
I'm an asexual being forced to get married for my parents by my parents and society, and yes I'm Indian too. So, I can clearly see your struggles. You've done well holding on in our society tbh. So be confident... FluffyCatButt
I'm sorry..atleast i have my parents backing me up... be strong and design your life the way you want.. may God bless you and may you find your peace and happiness
I'm sorry..atleast i have my parents backing me up... be strong and design your life the way you want.. may God bless you and may you find your peace and happiness M......
Thank you^^ I'm not in the worst situation so I'm fine haha. Wishing you the same!
So the psychiatrist's suggestion on making a decision got me thinking about something... sorry I'm venting my own problem here..
So, I'm a female have been in relationship with someone since 2016.. at the start of our relationship we decided that we'll get settled together in his state (we belong to 2 different states) where he promised to clear a certain government job.. for which i initially aimed for at my state.. as we thought of getting settled together i gave up on that and took up temporary jobs.. in the mean time he met my parents promised them that he'll get that job he tried for 3 times (last attempt he was not serious) in the span of 5years and he wanted to do something else and started working in a private job... at the same time when he was giving his last attempt..I thought I should try for the same job in my state as I felt it is going no where as my parents wanted stability.. when I started preparing.. exam was near and I cleared preliminary exam and the mains I couldn't clear but I was confident that if i try once more I can do better and can clear it as I have certain advantage of women and we have reservation for the same.. their parents came to know about us recently.. his mom had an idea but she was neutral she didn't agree nor disagree about our relationship... later after his last attempt she talked to me and accepted our relationship and his father also agreed.. when I was giving my first attempt they didn't oppose...(as they felt i couldn't clat it) now I'm thinking of writing the exam again they are completely opposing including my boyfriend, saying if you get a job in your state it will be difficult for us to get settled.. it will be long distance and marriage won't work that way when I didn't agree he compromised to an extent that if I get this job at later point of time if he earns well or do well i should quit this job because marriage, children, family don't work that way.. when I suggested he shift here if i get a job he didn't agree and he and his parents have given me an ultimatum that if i want to get married to him that I stop thinking about getting settled anywhere but his place(state)
Which i and my parents didn't agree and he keeps pestering me that..am i not important to you.. you promised to get settled with me and how heartless you are.. that infact i should clear the exam in his state as it will be easy to be together (it will be tough for me in his state as I have language problem i can communicate well in that language but I not so good at it to compete in the exam)..I know the decision i made now of not compromising with him is right but a part of me is still whether I am being heartless and deciding to end almost 10years relationship just like that... I'm happy my parents are supporting me in anything I choose but the promise I made to him at the start of my relationship has become an obligation and it's not only about the job but my independence and respect... his mother, if we get married have to live together had not at all been supportive or understanding of me in so many ways..I know I am right..he is not a bad person in so many other aspect... and I still think is this the reason for this relationship to end.. just like that..