An extremely common trauma response is to recreate the traumatic event in a more controlled way (usually through art/fiction, kink or sometimes even hypnosis) as the sense of control they gain from that is sometimes needed to cope and/or process stuff. The traumatized person creating art with themes/topics related to the traumatic event/experience is actually one of the, if not the, most common treatment method that therapy uses for traumatized patients.
The ML here of course never even thought of trying to treat or process his trauma but only suppressed it unti he got completely consumed by it, constantly looses control and even developed some schizophrenia from the trauma. Him instinctly recreating a more controlled version of the traumatic experience because of how much worse his untreated trauma got and his lack of seeking treatment is actually extremely realistic, especially if we consider the fact that he constantly shows that he's feeling genuine guilt and regret over his actions.
ML is genuinely in severe need of getting admitted to a psychiatric hospital (he's way past the point of just receiving treatment as he's very obviously a danger to himself and other people as a direct result of his mental illness).
He most definitely hit the level of mental illness to be deemed "unable to held liable due to being certified insane" in court and get mandatory treatment instead of a prison sentence, an then have the court or some facility responsible for that appoint a legal guardian to him.
Sooo... you keep doing the same thing to other people even though you're traumatized by what happen with your first love? I mean the first time... not your fault, but what's the excuse for the rest....? make it make sense.
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