hi im 19 years old! i TOTES get where ur coming from and i feel like a big part of the reason is that the current society deems everything relating to vulnerability “cringe”. some people don’t want to open up to others because they’re scared of how they’ll be perceived. on the other hand a lot of people nowadays only care abt increasing their “followers” on social media rather than building genuine connections. people don’t want to be inconvenienced by being placed with certain expectations from friends or communities. they’re selfish and misplace the meaning of “setting boundaries”. the truth is they don’t care which is why u will find people that are simply impossible to get close to. honestly there’s TONS of layers to this and i cld go in a whole rant, but these are the main things that stand out the most to me!!
I’m also 19, and I agree as well. It’s hard to make friends with an actual genuine connection… everything feels so shallow and fake nowadays.
to second earlier commentors yeah we're regressing as a society the rise of cringe "bros yapping" culture and the death of empathy either a) make friendships transactional, when the only important quality in a friend is what they can give you and/or b) make friendships completely surface-level because to trust means to open yourself up to being attacked. its always been harder to make friends as an adult (forced proximity from school is a great catalyst to form connections that have the potential to deepen) but its become a lot harder with the resurgence of severe bullying for any social misstep.
commenting bc im also 19
i say this as someone that’s 20 but honestly i find it very easy to open up to people but honestly it might be because im a open book person but honestly i think to answer that question it might be the environment where you’re building that connection with people. what i mean is personally i haven’t talked with almost all of my friends ive had in school and to add to what the commenter mudoramaaa said about forced proximity in school, when you’ve left the environment that forced that type of connection, it’s hard to create a connection outside of that environment unless there’s an established connection between both parties that transcends beyond that environment. it’s funny because the only time i can recall having a genuine connection with someone outside of my family was this very close friend i had for a few years and it was due to our mothers being already close but also the connection we had in different places really strengthened that bond at least thinking in retrospect.
Whenever I have a conversation with a person, they talk about themselves. People LOVE talking about themselves, they like the interest being shown. Coming from a people pleaser, I noticed a lot of different things. People base what they think off a little interaction. No one will make the effort. No one. You make the effort, if someone recognizes it, it’ll show. Some people are selfish, some are nice.
Meeting the right people. That’s a good topic. You can find the so called right people. But in reality it’s finding the people who will listen, finding them and both of you willing to understand thoughts and feelings.
As a human race we all rely on each other. But it’s who we rely on. It’s us finding where we can fit in. It is hard to find someone to be friends with. The word friends somehow means so little now of days. Acquaintances, someone you know and cordial with. With a busy life, everyone wants someone to rely on. With thoughts, feelings, and more. It comes to how much can you break your back for a person. And how much you can give in return. Transactional relationships is what sums up the American friendship culture as an adult.
To start over again, creating a new friendship with new people, it’s hard. People don’t want to provide the effort. People think they’ve put enough out there and it’s not enough. It’s not communicated. Expecting so much out of people knowing you’ll be disappointed. It’s not reciprocating. Everyone has their reason. A lot comes from miscommunication. A lot comes out of strong feelings. .
How deep of a connection are you yearning for?Ask and learn about the person in front of you. See how YOU can get to know them. See if they fit YOU. It’s the people you want in your life. As humans we thrive off of connections and interactions. Don’t be closed off yourself as well. The most lively people I meet talk about themselves and other interactions they’ve had. Human connections are surface level.
How do you want to be understood. How do you want to feel seen. No one can learn you without expressing it. No one can read a person. If you love someone, you try for them. There isn’t always someone to talk to.
Trust issues. There’s a lot of scary people in the world. And who you let in your life could possibly affect the entirety of it. It can be an amazing and positive effect, or it can be a devastating opposite. Life is a game we play. And for a lot of people, they use the game to their advantage.
Me personally, I’ve had friends and cousins I’ve know since I could remember. It’s about effort. It’s being able to tell who’s willing to try. If they enjoy being connected, you know how to tell.
Effort. That’s my answer
A few months ago, I asked you guys. What’s going on with human connections. Why does it seem that no matter how hard one try nothing genuine seems to be building between people or even communities.
A lot commented oh it’s just the people around you or I got comments like it may be a more personal issue in which I might not be opening myself truly.
But here comes this… after months of asking myself this, and opening myself to others in ways that were suggested and ofc I see therapist so I got good tactics. I ended up here, still like what’s going on ? Why aren’t adults not opening themselves, why aren’t adults not allowing themselves to be vulnerable. And why has most of the American population gone back to “trust issues” being something said and the excuse of having to keep people away from them.
I say adults because I’m over the age 21, and i can’t really like ask younger ones, what’s it’s like for them because ofc I’m living in a whole different world than them.
But tell me, is it hard for you to open to new people, is it hard for you to express hey I want to be your friend. Do you don’t yourself not being able to make long term friends ?