I think it's because sugiki had some internalized homophobia too. It's not only that he refused to bottom but he just didn't want to lose control. He also didn't want to truly fall in love because of his issues too
Oh, that makes sense. Does Suzuki know that he explicitly has internalised homophobia or just that he feels Sugiki cannot see past his dancer idealistic view?
Both were at fault of course. I just thought the whole thing with Norman was not necessary, I didn’t really feel the longing or tension besides Suzuki suddenly getting those electric feeling that Sugiki is somewhere near.
Yes I agree it was not necessary and I hate Norman because he is just weird asf like ew. But I think they trying to make Norman and sponsor dude a second couple
Anyways I think he knows because even before the whole sex position talk came up with Suzuki, sugiki had a conversation with his gay friend and when the gay friend said that you might need to be submissive he didn't like it. And the gay friend called out his internalized problem.
Suzuki also had it but as we see in recent chapters that has disappeared
I could be overthinking but it bothers me when Suzuki says: “This is the most focused I’ve ever been” in chapter 38, page 27. Why? Because what do you mean you have never been focused as much with Sugiki? That’s what it sounds like, and it’s just disappointing combined with his causal action of fucking a man. I think I’m just being emotional, but I am really disappointed.
And he admits to using Norman for distraction only, a physical warmth—his own words, chapter 38, page 34. Another thing I am curious about:
When Suzuki says: “Sugiki completely changed my identity these last few months, I never imagined I’d get all passionate and horny over another guy. Every time we held hands, we could both sense our love for each other.”
I truly hope when he says feeling horny and passionate for ‘another guy’, he is referring to Sugiki. Not Norman!
Rather than the sex itself overall—the whole build up leading to this is what caught me off guard and the casual attitude of Sugiki whereas Suzuki is probably thinking about him in ways he didn’t. Sugiki was easily able to fuck someone else, which makes sense as he is a top—a straight man before meeting Suzuki.
“A hole is a hole” phrase in this scenario, he did it with Norman easily because of that. Norman was willing to bottom whereas Sugiki didn’t want to. I understand this, yet I feel bitter and wish this didn’t happen. It feels unnecessary and poor drama plot.
I hope he is the top so Suzuki can make up by bottoming for the what-just-happened-bull-shit he pulled in chapter 37–38 with Norman. And I won’t mind switching too. I got way too invested in the sexual tension and emotional build up, so I apologize if I sound too harsh on Suzuki.
Or a cheap trope of a love rival to make Suzuki jealous. I’m usually not into the whole jealousy trope, but I feel like that’s what it’ll take for Suzuki to realise his stupidity in letting go. They weren’t dating I know, but they knew each other’s feelings, so it feels bitter and icky.
And I wonder if Sugiki found out that Suzuki slept with Norman, when Norman is leaving in chapter 39 I believe before the performance. He looked distraught and I feel so sorry for Sugiki, imagine finding out your ex could easily sleep with a man after all that. Hopefully things clear up between them, I still like the main.
Though, for the nth time, what a disappointing turn of events.