A bit irritating

That's kinda the point of them spreading their legs.......

......................................................................................................................I could say so many things. Wow. Just because a guy bottoms for another guy doesn't make them a girl. They still have a dick, thank you very much, so NO, not a girl. So NO, that is NOT the point of them spreading their legs. If they were girls, I would not be reading this!
Though the whole "girl" issue I think more has to do with Japanese culture and their attitudes surrounding sex in general, whether straight or homosexual--definitely more focused on gender roles, and women are more supposed to be "ah~No~" then "you have my full consent, bring it on you sexy beast" which is more the norm in western culture.
*pant pant*
Sorry for the rant

You are experiencing the irritation brought on by the hetero-normalization of homosexual male relationships. This is what happens when hetero women write stories about gay men for other hetero women. A woman can't relate to a gay man unless he acts like a woman - or so most editors believe. Most would think this idea is BS, but if you read manga like "Prince Charming" where the gay men are depicted realistically and then read the scathing comments, you begin to see that this idea may not be so far off the mark. It's sad, to put it mildly. Gay men are men who love other men. They are not women. They don't think or act like women in real life, but that idea is not "relatable". So, we are stuck reading shoujo with guys playing the heroine role.

As a hetrosexual woman, I think this is a travesty. But again, I think it's mostly a cultural difference? Like, Japan versus North America/Europe? Becasue while Western gay romance novels occasionally have the "uke/seme" dynamic, it's predominantly a genre filled with switching and beefy men getting it on. Or just normal dudes getting it on and having fairly normal relationships, actually. Something else one doesn't normally see in Yaoi ;p. So, while western women are more like, "Yeah! Gimme two dudes having a relationship!" (for the most part, these are also predominantly written by women and have their own separate faults from Yaoi), in Japan it seems like not having a "man" and a "woman" in the relationship is not culturally acceptable and tends to make people uncomfortable? Not everyone of course, but in general. That's my take on it, anyway, based on what I've read in Yaoi, western gay romance, and my somewhat rudimentary knowledge about Japanese culture (-_- ).

You hit the nail on the head! Japan is about 30 years behind the West in its understanding and acceptance of the LGBT community. Until ten or fifteen years ago, you could not find a BL or yaoi drama for movie or TV that ended happily. There were traditionalists within the administrations of the film and television industry that felt that allowing the public to view a homosexual relationship in a positive light would "turn" the younger generations gay. So, to get a live action TV drama, anime or movie made that featured homosexual couples, the ending had to show that a homosexual relationship is barren and unhappy. Otherwise, a green light would not be given. You can also see this from some publishers of manga from the early to mid 90s. Homosexuality flies in the face of traditional views in Japan. These traditional views are nearly part of the Japanese DNA. Schools condemn homosexuality openly, punishing students who engage in such acts, even off campus in their own homes. There are no discrimination laws, so an employer can fire you for being gay and a landlord can evict you for it too. The only reason Ni-choume exists is because homosexuality is seen as a novelty or fetish, rather than an intrinsic part of a person's being. Second district is also famous for its sex shops, adult toy and video stores, host/hostess clubs and "bath houses". Being a "gay district" is just one of the many sex related industries found there. Only within the past year or so have a handful of districts in Tokyo begun to acknowledge "domestic partnerships" between same sex couples. The rights and benefits afforded are extremely limited, but it is, at least, a step in the right direction. They have 30 years of catching up, but Japan is trying. Slowly but surely. Now, they just need a strong and smart LGBT presence. Not too militant, but politically and culturally wise and sensitive with a knack for PR. The Japanese don't care about "pronouns", first they need basic rights.

Amen! Cuz wow, I knew it was bad, but it's eye opening to see how bad. Like, I knew that the japanese equivalent of gay marriage is adoption if you want to have any next of kin rights, etc. and that in manga it's always protrayed as a BIG deal if people find out if you're gay, but I didn't realize it was because they could LITERALLY lose their jobs and homes by coming out--I thought, "socially you could have problems, but legally people can't do anything, right?" WRONG, apparently, and that's really sad :(.
Also, sort of unrelated but still related, did you know the age of consent in Japan is thirteen? THIRTEEN!!!!!!! So, legally, if a college/middle age person coercers a middle schooler to sleep with them, that's not illegal. I learned that recently, and wow, definitely an unpleasant shock. But at the same time, I'm not too surprised? Becasue this is the country that has sex hotels and host/hostess clubs and other such things fairly readily available. Again, not like that sort of thing isn't present in the west, but I think it's not quite as accepted or available? Like, there are strip clubs and restaurants like hooters, so it's similar, but the "love hotels" are a bit of a stretch for me.

"Love hotels" really exist both in Japan and here in the US. You can rent the room in increments of an hour or for the night. They are more common in large cities, near airports or along major highways, here in the US. I've stayed in a few myself, though not for the reason you might assume. I used to drive all over the country and would stay in a motel to sleep for just a few hours and then get back on the road again. It is safer and more comfortable than sleeping in the car and having a shower is nice when you wake up. However, I didn't want to spend $150 to only sleep for an hour and a half, shower and leave. $60 was far more reasonable. You can sleep in the room or have sex. Once you pay, it's up to you what you do with the room. They are not as ubiquitous, here in the US, as they once were, since they tend to also attract drug traffic, but they do still exist. In Japan, the "love hotel" is geared specifically towards sex with vending machines in the lobby (or room, depending on the hotel) offering everything from condoms and lube to toys. However, these "love hotels" are centralized around the "night life district" of Tokyo. You're not going to find them on every corner of every city in Japan.

As for age of consent, it varies from country to country and even state to state here in the US. It's really a bit of a murky quagmire of positives and negatives. An obvious positive is that it protects young people from being taken advantage of, or sexually abused, by someone significantly older than themselves. The flip side of that is when an 18 year old is arrested on their birthday and labeled a sex offender for the rest of their lives for having sex with their 15 year old boyfriend/girlfriend, when just yesterday, it was perfectly legal. It's really not a stretch to find a senior dating a sophomore, or a junior dating a freshman. When the law is used vindictively, to punish or separate a young couple, I think that is a misuse of an otherwise necessary law. The really big problem with age of consent laws is that they don't apply at all if the parents of the younger person give their consent to the relationship. So, it is perfectly fine for a 12 year old to be handed over to a 40 year old by the parents of the 12 year old. Legally, not much can be done since "religious traditions/practices" are usually the excuse used for this behaviour and in the US our first amendment right to practice religion is inalienable and precludes punishment in these situations. It also bothers me when an 18 year old female is not punished for having sex with a 15 year old, but an 18 year old male is. I abhor double standards. If it is a crime, it is a crime, regardless of the criminal's gender, race, religion or nationality. Full stop. This especially applies to the crime of rape. Here in the US, if a woman gets a guy drunk or drugs him, straddles and then rides him without his consent, it is NOT rape. It is first degree sexual assault and the punishment is lighter - 2 to 10 years vs 5 to 20 years for rape. Rape, in the US, is written ONLY as "penetration" without consent. Forced "envelopment" is not considered rape. That, to me, is some serious bullshit. A man being raped by a woman is no more of an "honour" than a woman being raped by a man and he feels equally violated and as if something was stolen from him. We hear about "victim blaming" when a woman is raped or sexually assaulted, but it is nothing compared to what a man faces if he tries to report a woman for sexual assault or rape. He is expected to feel "lucky" that a woman came on to him so hard. He is expected to "take it like a man" and "enjoy the attention". What ungodly hell would be leveled on the planet if a woman were told those things? The outrage would run 24/7/365 for decades on every news channel, Facebook page and Twitter feed. If we're going to be outraged about "inequality", that is a good place to start, IMHO.

Hmm, I didn't know that about the love hotels in North America. I'm from Canada, and there definitely could be some lurking around, but I've never seen any on my own road trips (though that could be because I live in more medium sized cities rather than places like Vancouver or Toronto).

For the age thing, there IS an exception made for when a couple is close in age (less than two years if aged 12 to 13, and less than 5 years if aged 14 to 16, though this rises to 18 when the older party is in a position of trust or authority over the other, the younger party is in a relationship of dependency with the owner, or if the relationship is exploitative) or if they were dating before one became of age--in the states, this is commonly known as the "Romeo and Juliet law" and it was designed to prevent the prosecution of underage couples who engage in consensual sex when both participants are significantly close in age to each other, and one or both are below the age of consent.
It's awful that the parents can override that though--I mean, if a child can get an abortion without legal parental knowledge or consent, their parents' consent shouldn't be able to force them to enter into a relationship that would MAKE them pregnant! It's horrible, and completely backwards logic. Parental consent should be taken completely out of the picture, whether for marriage or sex--I mean, I am ALL about religious freedom, but we don't make polygamy legal or murder legal even though some religions call for those practices. So why marriage to a single person? If it goes against an existing law that has to do with a person's well-being and safety, it should not be allowed. Though I am aware the issue is much more complicated than I'm making it out to be, I think my point still stands.

As for the double standards thing, I COMPLETELY 100% AGREE!!!! I find ANY kind of double standard sickening, whether it's legal or social (legal: a dude being raped by a women isn't actually "rape," like you said. Such bullshit! Or social: it being illegal or socially suicidal (and thus almost literally, in this case) for a woman in the Victorian era to have an affair, but it was genuinely EXPECTED of the man and not frowned upon at all). Victim blaming is also completely horrific, I agree there shouldn't be ANY of that, no matter if you were a woman raped by a man, a woman raped by another woman, a man raped by another man, or a man raped by a woman--ANY unwanted and forced sexual activity, whether penetrative, oral, or via "envelopment" should be considered rape--whether you get a dick or dildo involved should not alter the definition!

So yeah, I definitely agree that we have much to be outraged about when it comes to inequality--there's so much of it in so many different ways that it honestly boggles my mind.

Thanks for having these conversations with me, by the way, they've been really interesting and informative--it's great to get other people's perspectives and knowledge about things, especially for more intense topics that don't get brought up nearly enough :).

Sadly, the "Romeo and Juliet" laws that you speak of don't technically exist on the books in every state. There are, however, criteria that a DA has to consider before actually going forward with prosecution, but they vary from state to state and even DA to DA. Only a small handful of states have a specific list of criteria that must be followed. It is usually at the discretion of the individual person who holds the position as a DA to determine if a case of this nature goes to prosecution. This becomes an issue when, historically, the person holding the position can't separate personal feelings from the law or the individual is looking to make a "name" for themselves. It is undeniable that the US courts system is flawed, but generally speaking, it is one of the best and most fair found anywhere in the world.

You mention that you think you may be "making things more complicated", but humans are complicated beings. No matter how complicated you may think you are making things, there are going to be people who fall into that complicated scenario. It is, then, worth the time to consider. Exercising one's mind is an activity that is sorely lacking in society today. So many would "rather not think about it". This behaviour benefits those who would take advantage of small and weak minds. Even if you never encounter a situation where your solution to a problem is needed, the act of working out a solution makes your mind stronger and faster. It is always a pleasure to encounter an "engaged mind". Whether we agree or disagree is irrelevant. Hearing and discussing or debating points of view is fascinating and stimulating for me. So, I must thank you, as well, for this wonderful conversation.

Wow, the whole state thing can make things complicated, huh? We have our own judicial problems in Canada (who doesn't, amiright?), but I do like how most things are fairly consistent from province to province (I think in Canada there's more Federal power and less Provincial power when compared to the states).

And you're right, people are vastly complicated and contradictory and messy, hence why we have so many wonderful and freaking awful things in this world. Being able to talk about these messy and complicated things is definitely important, and it's wonderful that we have the freedom to do so.

I was talking with my roommate about some of the same things we were discussing yesterday, and we got into talking about how even though we think there are a lot of messed up things surrounding the sexual culture in Japan (there's a LOT of material out there about older men having sex with little girls. Like, a LOT. And a fuck-tonne of female objectification. Again, we have these kind of things here and I'm not saying that's the average Joe's opinion or desire, but even looking at how prevalent it is in their media such as anime and manga, it's portrayed as normal and not wrong--it's just another kink, rather than pedophilia) we started talking about things that Japan has that we in North America have probably strayed too far from. For example, the fact that family is so valued and there is a great importance placed on respecting your elders. While this can also be taken too far at times, with parents dictating their children's entire lives, there is certainly a lot of positive things to be said about the dynamic of the parents supporting the children in their young adulthood and the children taking good care of the parents when they get old. In North America, there's a lot more pressure of "you have to become successful entirely on your own or it doesn't count!" and just putting your parents in shitty old folks homes when they get old. And how we find arranged marriages so horrifying here, but how they can actually be quite nice when done properly--if it's the parents genuinely wanting their child to be happy, and their child wanting their parents help and opinion, why not have your parents set up an Omai? I mean, I know my mother knows what I like a hell of a lot more than I do and always has, so I can totally believe that she would pick an amazing life partner for me. Again, this would have to be with the goal of the child's happiness and with the child's full consent, rather than something with a political, financial, or social/traditional drive (as it predominantly has been in the past, hence the horror stories).

As always, I'm just speaking in general here, but it was interesting to look at some of our cultural differences and see the positives and negatives (from our perspective at least, as North Americans we come with our own biases in favor of our own culture).

First, let me say, I LOVE the topics you bring up! My "knee jerk" reaction to "arranged marriage" is "No fucking way!", but then I have to ask myself why. Parents today, particularly in the "It takes a village" mentality of child rearing, don't know their own child's preferences for breakfast, let alone who would make a good partner for them. Children are shuffled off to daycare just weeks out of the womb. From there, it's preschool then kindergarten and a parent has almost no involvement in the core of what forms their child's life and preferences... their day to day lives. The educational system doesn't "snatch a child away", but it is set up to "relieve the parent's burden" a bit too efficiently IMHO. I raised three sons who are now adults with their own children. We live in a moderately sized town in Montana. So, we aren't "rural" exactly, but we're not "urban" either. The smallest school my sons, who are now 25, 24 and 22, attended had 400 students, in total, for grades K through 8. Even in a school that "small", if a parent does not actively seek out information regarding their child and what that child is being taught, the school is not going to go out if their way to volunteer it. Gone are the days when parents would receive an outline of each class' curriculum on the first day of school. If you asked the typical parent what their kids are learning at school, most couldn't respond, let alone in detail. Parents are not even sought out for help with homework in favor of the faster and easier "Google it". It is seen, by both the students and the teachers, as "interference" if a parent has the audacity to ask what is being taught. Heaven forbid a parent disapprove of what is taught! They are labled "meddlesome" or "extremist" and a visit from the state's "Family Services" division can be expected. This all creates an environment where parents have no clue who their children are or what they are thinking. Thus, the idea that typical parents, today, could accurately decide what is best for their own children is far fetched if not entirely ludicrous. Obviously, this does not apply to parents who actively take a role in the lives of their children, but those types of parents are few and far between and getting fewer and farther with each passing generation. I consider myself to have taken a very active role in my children's lives and education. I was active in PTAs, "hung out" with my kids at home by enjoying activities of their choosing with them, enjoyed fascinating discussions and debates with my children regarding their their views on topics and eventually, even home schooled my children when they and I could no longer approve of the curriculum that was being "offered" by the only high school available in the area. We are exceptionally close as a family. Yet, choosing a partner for my children is not something I have ever felt was within my rights to do, nor do I feel that my unsolicited opinion on the subject would be valuable. If my sons seek my advice, I will offer it gladly, but my opinion isn't something that should have any weight in their decision. Their lives are supposed to make THEM happy and if they are happy, I am too. I have only ever, once, impressed my opinion of a girlfriend onto one of my sons and that was done because the girl was encouraging my son to involve himself in highly illegal activity. When the police and I were both called to the school for my son's behaviour, he understood the cause for my opinion and broke up with her. I never asked him to do that, nor did I threaten or try to force him to do it. None of that would have been productive. He had to make that decision himself for it to be of value. My sons have asked me, "What do you think of my girlfriend?" My reply is always the same. "Are you happy?" I am proud of the men my sons have become and although I played a small part in it by guiding them, they had to be the ones who put the effort forth to learn from my guidance and put it into practice. The credit belongs to them and so are the choices they have to make. They deserve the credit because they have taken the responsibility for their own future and happiness. Their lives truly BELONG to them, good and bad. If they are miserable, it is no one's fault but their own. By the same token, if they are happy and successful, it is to no one's credit but their own. That is what "being independent" really means. Not that you don't depend or rely on others, but that you bear the responsibility and credit for the choices you make. One can't do that if their choices are made for them by others. Perhaps fifty years ago, when parents actually "knew" their children, the idea of arranged marriage might have been plausible. Today, however, the typical parent couldn't choose their children's socks accurately.

In most manga, particularly yaoi, an arranged marriage is made by parents who are completely unaware, or in denial, of their child's preference for the opposite sex. How could that parent be fit to choose a particular person when they can't even get the sex right? The arranged marriage, or miai, becomes even more vile and annoying when it is conducted by a "well meaning" neighbor or co-worker and becomes exponentially more vile when it is done without consent. Just how much conceit and audacity does a person gave to harbor to have the nerve to force an arranged marriage onto a person they know less than nothing about?! There is nothing "well meaning" in that behaviour, IMO. That is a display of unbridled selfishness and meddling that rivals that of ancient gods. My point is proven when the "well meaning" stranger defends themselves with, "I only did it because I was worried." Easing your own worry by forcing someone to do your bidding without their consent, or even the consideration of their opinion on the matter, is the epitome of selfish behaviour. That particular trope has caused damage to several walls and various objects in my possession. LOL Sure, it propels the plot nicely, but it has also broken a phone, two tablets and cracked a PC monitor. So, I really wish it would stop! LMAO Just kidding... it was only one tablet. LOL Seriously though, do you know what kinks or preferences for sex your co-workers or neighbors possess? Or does one assume that everyone is just like them? Maybe the coworker isn't hetero or maybe they have a fetish for wild, wicked circus sex or maybe they can't get aroused at all. Do you really want to be responsible for fixing up the daughter of your friend from church with a guy at work you were totally unaware had a kink for choking his partner to unconsciousness and then sticking it in their butt? That would make for some seriously awkward tea time talk after church. Ya know? Not to mention, would you be able to share a cubicle at work with the guy after finding out that kind of information? Again, pretty awkward break conversation. I don't judge anyone for the things they do in bed or out if it, but at the same time, I don't want to know about it either. That is why I have never and will never be involved in "hooking up" friends or acquaintances. If I like you enough to know about your sex life, I like you enough to find out for myself, first hand. Otherwise, it's absolutely none of my business.

I'm glad you like the topics I bring up! I really appreciate that we can talk about topics like these even with our different perspectives and opinions and keep everything civil and engaging (sadly, a pretty hard thing to do on the internet).

I can tell we come from different perspectives for, although I can agree that the school system is doing things that I'm not comfortable with here in Canada for the younger generation (there's a lot of talk about getting rid of percentage grading and eliminating ranked awards in track and field events, to name a few) my experience has been that there is still parental involvement in the school system. Of course this could be different in large metropolitan cities with schools that house 4000 plus students for sure, but as someone from a reasonably sized city in British Columbia, that hasn't been my experience. My mother was never really involved much in helping me with homework (mostly because she wouldn't know the answers since school was a good 20+ years behind her and things had changed a decent amount since then), but she was still encouraged to participate in school events and volunteer, and I would talk to her about what I was doing. Granted, my perspective on how well parents know their children could be due to my own particular relationship with my mother, as she is a single parent and I'm her only child--even though she took on the role of both mom and dad for me and always maintained a parental role, we were always quite close. Friends of mine with two parents and multiple siblings also have close relationships with their parents and really value their opinions, but aren't close in the same way as I am. To be fair, I also have friends whose parents couldn't figure out what their child wanted if it bit them on the arse. So, from your perspective, I can completely see why you don't like the idea of arranged marriages or being very involved in that aspect of your child's life. However, it seems part of this is from your view of independence and what that means--You said, "[my sons] had to be the ones who put the effort forth to learn from my guidance and put it into practice. The credit belongs to them and so are the choices they have to make. They deserve the credit because they have taken the responsibility for their own future and happiness. Their lives truly BELONG to them, good and bad. If they are miserable, it is no one's fault but their own. By the same token, if they are happy and successful, it is to no one's credit but their own. That is what "being independent" really means. Not that you don't depend or rely on others, but that you bear the responsibility and credit for the choices you make. One can't do that if their choices are made for them by others." So, I definitely agree that children need to take responsibility and learn, and own up to their own actions--parents can't look after them forever, and the world certainly won't. But I feel our ideas on what constitutes "depending" on someone is a little different. I believe this varies from child to child and parent to parent as all people are unique and deal with things and relate to each other in different ways, but WHY should parents only stand back and let their child succeed or fail on their own after only giving some guidance (granted, over a long period of time)? I know you aren't saying toss them into the deep end and see what happens, of course not. But why can't parents be more involved in their child's decisions when they're growing up? I mean, I was tool when I was 16--less than some, I think, I was always fairly responsible and being a female raised by a single mother (I was an accident, by the way) who also happened to be a Canadian social worker DEFINITELY impacted my views on a lot of things and spared me from a lot of stupidity. Hearing stories about what people around my age got up to and where that led (seeing her, for one, if things got out of hand) certainly made it's mark. So while growing up, I definitely am in the camp of believing parents should be firm about what their child can and cannot do. NO, you can't be sexually active at sixteen--are you ready for a child? Cuz that can happen. If you aren't fully prepared for the possible repercussions of your actions, you shouldn't be allowed to do them. Are you prepared for the reality of having a baby, or getting an abortion, or being the father and having to pay child support for the next 18 years or so? No? Then keep it in your pants. NO, you can't hang out with those people cuz they're drug users (not just shady looking, but legitimately shady) and you shouldn't be involved in that--it leads to a LOT of bad things. While this could end up causing further rebellion depending on the child (I definitely had a friend like that), I think having your child be aware of these things before teen-hood and having it reinforced as a teenager is important. Ok, that was a bit of a tangent, but what I'm getting at is WHY do we as a society think that parents should only provide a "little guidance"? I don't mean that parents should totally control their children's lives, but when it comes to things that can seriously change them forever? Yeah, I think it's the parent's responsibility to try and prevent that from happening. When children enter adulthood it gets more complicated as, as you said, they DO need to be independent. But I feel children would do better if they relied on their parents more and sought their opinions and advice more when in adulthood. Why make mistakes that your parents have already made or seen others make? Be a smart person, learn from THOSE mistakes without making them yourself, and do your best to only make your own. In fact, why not succeed even MORE than you could on your own by using your parents' knowledge and experience as a stepping stone? That shouldn't make your success in life any less valid. So, in summation, I feel the importance of having a close-knit and long-term dependent family unit is extremely underrated in our culture. (sorry, there were a LOT of rabbit trails in that)

Now, talking about how miai appear in manga, particularly yaoi? I wholeheartedly agree with 100% of what you say. It's often a parent who doesn't know their child or a nosy and entitled co-worker/superior at work sticking their nose in where it's not wanted and causing a ridiculous amount of drama and heartache. However, as it IS a trope used to further the plot, this means that in almost every case it's done either without the child's consent OR the child feels pressured to accept or ask due to societal views surrounding homosexuality, causing them to act out of fear for their future. This is just depressing and I completely disapprove. However, depending on the culture and family (again, this is KEY! It won't work if the parents don't know their children or if the child will feel pressured to accept due to societal norms), I think the idea of arranged marriages in modern times is not without merit. I do actually know some people where this worked out very well for them. In our culture, there is a huge pressure to find that "special someone" to settle down with, or at least live together long term. However, some people just really struggle with making good character judgments, or meeting new people (who aren't on the internet or someone on tinder just looking for sex. Or meeting anyone at all. Yay loners). So, I submit to you that if a child with parents who genuinely know them ASKS for help because they trust their parents' judgement, then I don't see anything wrong with the parents introducing their child to people. Again, it should be people the parents know or have good character references for. And who knows, that person could secretly not be hetero (or gay, depending on the child), or maybe they have a fetish for wild, wicked circus sex or maybe they can't get aroused at all. The parents can't know that, and this isn't an engagement. It's just introducing their child to someone they think they could do well with--and here's the important bit--IF THE OTHER PARTY AGREES. If the other party doesn't know about all this, it makes everything kinda moot. So, the parents are basically acting as a more personalized dating site, except the dating isn't just for a good time, it's with intent. Again, this doesn't mean they're obligated to be engaged or get married if the two start dating. It's just a different way to meet people that may have more luck ending in a happy marriage than some others might. It could still go wrong. Of course it could, that's the risk of all things like this. But it's definitely worked for some people I know, and while it certainly depends on the individual people, I feel that this setup gets much more hate than it should.

(side note: Yes it would be COMPLETLEY awkward if the introduced party had a kink for choking his partner to unconsciousness and then sticking it in their butt. LOL, I laughed SO HARD at that! But that's the risk we all take when asking to date someone. ANYONE could secretly have a breath/anal kink hidden up their sleeves. But what I'm saying is that although the parents are the ones to introduce the couple, the actual decision to start dating/get to know each other better still lies with the child--and the other party-- alone.)

Love hotels serve a purpose most single people still live at home until marriage or if their lucky to afford a place

The Age of Consent in Japan is 13 years old. The age of consent is the minimum age at which an individual is considered legally old enough to consent to participation in sexual activity. Individuals aged 12 or younger in Japan are not legally able to consent to sexual activity, and such activity may result in prosecution for statutory rape or the equivalent local law.

Japan statutory rape law is violated when an individual has consensual sexual contact with a person under age 13. At 13, Japan's base age of consent is the lowest of any developed country. However, many prefectures also have local "corruption of minors" or "obscenity statutes"which raise the de-facto age of consent to 16-18, unless they are in a "sincere romantic relationship", usually determined by parental consent. For example, the effective age of consent in Tokyo by local statute is 18. The age of marriage is 16 for girls and 18 for boys with parental permission, and 20 otherwise the Child Welfare Act of Japan.

Japan has two territories that have their own local age of consent laws it says 13. There is no close in age exemptions

First, allow me to apologize for taking so many months to respond to your comment. Between my only means of internet access refusing to access the internet due to being older than dirt and the birth of my second granddaughter AND being forced to move from my home, reading manga was the last thing I had an opportunity to do. Please forgive my delay.

I absolutely loved reading your perspective and hearing your account of your relationship with your mom. It sounds like she did a pretty awesome job raising you. I'm sure she is very proud of you. I think I may have caused you to misunderstand something, though. I was never a "hands off" kind of parent. If I felt that my sons were doing something shady or hanging out with a bad crowd, I made my opinion abundantly clear. However, I never FORCED them to abandon friends or the like. For instance, I never gave ultimatums like, "Stop being friends with "X" or I will ground you, take away your video games, etc." Rather, I gave my opinion on the situation and laid out possible future outcome scenarios that would likely occur. Which, 9 times out of 10, I predicted with scary accuracy. These would be long discussions where I listened as much as I lectured and then allowed them to choose the direction they took. Usually, my advice was heeded. Occasionally, it was not and my accurate predictions would come true. Then, I helped them pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back to trying to live happily. I think my parenting is actually much closer to your mother's than I may have lead you to believe. As for choosing a date or partner for my sons, COULD I choose well for them? Absolutely. I know my sons very well (even their kinks LOL). The real question is WOULD I choose a date or partner for them? That would be an emphatic, NO WAY! I'm a coward in that respect. If things went pear shaped later, I would feel responsible. Which leads me to your last paragraph. I wouldn't set anyone up, family, friend or stranger. I am a chicken hearted coward in that arena. I would be eternally embarrassed and devastated if things turned out poorly. So, although I try to sound noble and claim that I am allowing them to take responsibility for their own happiness, I am really just running away in fear of the relationship going sour. LOL I guess I lack positive experiences, whether my own or those of others, in the area of blind dates and arranged relationships. I have no doubt that they can work out wonderfully, but I have never had the joy of experiencing it myself or seeing them go well for those with whom I am close. Hence, my cowardice.

First of all, congratulations on your newest granddaughter! That's super exciting, and definitely would make life a lot busier ;). And I hope your move went okay, I myself moved this past summer and was reminded that it's never NOT a shitty experience, even when you're not being forced (⊙_⊙ ).

Regarding your response, yes, it definitely sounds like I misunderstood your relationship with your kids (^////^ ). The style of, "I won't FORCE you to comply with my will, but I'll tell you what I think will happen if you make these choices," falls quite in-line with my own mother's style of parenting :). And I DEFINITELY wouldn't say it makes you a coward to not want to take that role in introducing your kids to partners when it may not work out. I totally understand the pressure that that can place on a person, and it's not for everyone. I myself can relate, as I'd feel terrible if I introduced a good friend to someone I thought could be good for them, but they turned out to be some emotionally abusive weirdo or something :(. Even if the other person doesn't turn out to be a sketcho but the relationship just doesn't work out due to irreconcilable differences in personality and values, I would still feel some responsibility for my friend going through the breakup--cuz if it wasn't for me, there wouldn't have been a relationship to break-up in the first place
(-_- ).
So, while I think it CAN be a good thing for parents to introduce their kids to potential partners, it certainly isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that :). I just don't like it when I see people look down on relationships that form in this way, even when everything was consensual and fully-informed ಠ_ಠ (I don't think that's what you're doing at all, just to be clear! I just mean in general ;p)